Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] You're listening to the Remote Mom Collective podcast, where moms can find their stride in the remote work world. Whether you currently work remotely or you want to, you're in the right place. I'm Brittany, the remote mom, and I've been working remotely since 2007. I became a mom in 2015, and there's a lot to learn. Together, we'll support, inspire and empower each other on our journey to balance work, life and motherhood. From the comfort of our own homes or wherever we're working remotely together, let's redefine what it means to be a working mom. Let's support and inspire each other.
[00:00:47] Hello and welcome to another episode of the Remote Mom Collective Podcast. I'm Brittany, the remote mom, and I'm so glad you're here. Today we are talking about detours and missteps, finding the right path in the wrong turns. How many wrong turns have you had in your life? I've had so many, it's not even funny. And dead ends and mistakes.
[00:01:11] But you know what?
[00:01:12] When I look back at all of those, I'm grateful for the experience and for the failure, even though it hurts sometimes. And all of the, oh, the hand slap, you know, hand on forehead, like, what was I thinking? Moments, all of those moments helped to create my path and helped get me to where I am now. And my journey is only beginning.
[00:01:41] Wrong turns are inevitable, but they can lead to transformative breakthroughs. Whether you like it or not or it doesn't feel like it in the moment. It truly can be such a life changing experience and it could be positive.
[00:01:59] I want to use Oprah Winfrey as an example in this podcast episode today because if you know anything about her story, she had significant setbacks in her career and in her life. And she found her calling by embracing her struggles and using them as fuel for success. And she is so successful.
[00:02:21] So let's just talk a little bit as we go through this episode today. Talk a little bit about Oprah's story. And I'm not doing a full biography on her, so if you're interested, definitely check out her story. She's pretty inspiring with all of the things that she went through as a woman and as a black woman. She had a lot of hardships and a lot of obstacles. She faced a difficult childhood and it was marked by poverty and abuse. And she was fired from her first television job as a news anchor because she was considered, quote, unquote, unfit for tv. But that perceived failure led her to a career in talk shows where she absolutely Thrived when I was a kid in the 90s. When I was in high school, her TV show was so popular. And then it got even more popular. I think when I was in college, that was the. You get a car and you get a car and everybody gets a car and Tom Cruise is jumping on couches and all of that. She was just something else, just so incredible.
[00:03:21] And one of her quotes is turn your wounds into wisdom, which I really love.
[00:03:31] All of those bad things, all of those negative experiences, whether it's super traumatic or just, you know, a simple failure, those are wounds, those are gashes, those are scratches, those are bumps in the road. And we need to look at those as an opportunity to heal, get better and get stronger and keep moving.
[00:03:56] Oprah's story demonstrates that setbacks can redirect us to more fitting paths, often leading to greater fulfillment.
[00:04:03] So this is where you can take in your faith whatever you believe in. I believe that there are no such thing as coincidences. But I do feel like we do have free will. So I do feel like certain people, certain situations are put in our path by the universe, and we make a decision on what to do with that opportunity or with that person.
[00:04:29] And sometimes we make the wrong decision, but the important thing is how we correct it. The important thing is what we learned from that wrong decision.
[00:04:41] And we learn that those wrong things, they're just getting us closer to the right thing. So every wrong experience or wrong decision or, you know, hand, face, slap, and you're like, face, palm. Oh, my gosh, I can't believe I did that. Well, now you know. And you won't do it again, right?
[00:04:59] That decision will then lead you to make a better decision going forward.
[00:05:05] Resilience is the ability to overcome challenges and adapt positively. Resilience can transfer setbacks into breakthroughs when you use it as a learning experience to pivot and move forward. And, guys, every time I say the word pivot, I see in my head Ross and Rachel and Chandler. I think it was the three of them going up the stairs with the couch every time I hear that word or say it.
[00:05:32] According to the American Psychological association, resilient individuals are better equipped to handle stress and recover more quickly from setbacks.
[00:05:42] And another quote that Oprah Winfrey said was, where there is no struggle, there is no strength.
[00:05:50] So if you think about going to the gym or working out or walking, and it doesn't require any sort of skill, it doesn't like the gym does. Sorry, back up. When something doesn't require effort and it's simple. And it's too easy. It's almost like, oh, is this the way I'm supposed to go? That was too easy. It's too good to be true.
[00:06:13] But we have talked about in the past where your passions, when they're super easy, that might be part of your path. So don't discredit those easy things, but pay more attention to the hard things. Pay more attention what you find difficult and what knocks you down, and why did it knock you down, and what do you need to do to get back up again?
[00:06:37] In Oprah's example, she turned her hardships into motivation to become a voice for others and create a media empire, showing the resilience that can be cultivated and is crucial for navigating life's unexpected terms.
[00:06:53] That resilience is what you need. Life is not perfect. Things happen. Everybody has ups and downs. It's a roller coaster. There are things that go bad, and they will go bad, but then they'll also go good again, and you'll learn from the things that went bad, and you'll make preventative measures so that it doesn't happen again.
[00:07:15] You know, maybe this podcast will lead to a media empire for me because I like being a voice for others. I like helping others.
[00:07:27] And I've done multiple entrepreneurial types of hobbies in the past that crashed and burned. And, you know, other people picked up and did better than me, and I just didn't have the strength to move forward with those particular projects. But somebody else did, and they're doing great, and I'm so proud of them. But clearly that was not my path. Maybe it was my path to start it, and then somebody else needed to pick it up. Side note, there actually is a book, and I can't remember the name of the book right now, but one of the thoughts is that the universe puts an idea for something out there, and they'll put it in somebody's head. And if I don't take action on it, for example, then the idea will go back out there and go in somebody else's head for them to act on it. And if I remember the name of it, I will add it in the show notes. But it's such a fascinating concept, and I do kind of like to believe in that.
[00:08:23] But your failures will bring you closer to that path. Your. Your failures will help pave the road. Your failures will help give you the shoes that you need. I'm picturing, like, walking on a cobblestone road. If you've ever been to Savannah, Georgia, or you've Ever been to Seattle? And they have the cobblestone roads in Seattle. The. I don't care if it's cobblestones or if it was bricks. I think it's cobblestones. And then in Savannah, there's cobblestones. And if you walk on those on heels, there's no way you're walking smooth on those. So I'm picturing the failures. Each failure brings you closer to a better shoe. So, like, you're starting off wearing high heels, trying to go over cobblestones, and then the next time, maybe you're wearing like, I don't know, boots with a thicker heel and then not boots. Maybe you're wearing like the thick heeled high heels and the next time you're wearing boots, and then the next time you're wearing, I don't know, something else that makes it easier to get across the cobblestones. That's what I'm picturing. But like, each failure allows you to put on a different pair of shoes to be more prepared for that path and more and make that path more accessible to you.
[00:09:34] You know, you can reframe your mistakes as opportunities for growth. Oprah often credits her struggles for helping her develop empathy, which became the cornerstone of her career. So she was able to empathize all of those setbacks. She's able to empathize with so many people going through certain situations, and it feels good. And you feel more connected to someone when they've actually experienced what you're going through. It's easier to believe a person if they've actually experienced it versus if they're just thinking about it hypothetically or they're trying to relate to you in a way. Because nobody truly knows what it's like to go through something unless they've actually gone through it. No matter how significant it is.
[00:10:18] Nothing's insignificant. But you know what I mean?
[00:10:24] You need to develop a growth mindset. You have to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. And that's kind of the point of this whole thing is when you're, when you're taking these detours and you're taking all these wrong turns, you're going to have to be okay with taking the wrong turns and understanding your mistakes and recognizing that you made a mistake and looking at as an opportunity to do better. Okay, well, why did I make that mistake? And what do I need to look for next time?
[00:10:54] Those with a growth mindset like Oprah, see challenges as chances to Learn and grow. 88% of people with a growth mindset report higher resilience and Better outcomes in times of crisis. That was Stanford University back in 2017.
[00:11:12] So just make yourself continue to grow. Don't ever be, don't ever accept who you are in that moment.
[00:11:21] Accept yourself as a growing individual.
[00:11:26] Make yourself constantly be learning something. The minute you stop learning, the minute that's the minute you stop growing.
[00:11:34] Self care and self compassion is crucial during these really difficult times. Give yourself that time to grieve, to have space to wallow in your sadness. You know, I always picture the movie Bridget Jones's Diary, and it's the opening scene of the first movie and she's watching a movie all by herself and she's got a bottle of wine and she's in her living room and she's singing all by Myself. Celine Dion's All By Myself and she's like, kicks her foot and you know, she's wallowing in her sadness. Just, just be, be in the moment, Be sad.
[00:12:18] And once you're done being sad, pick yourself up and move along.
[00:12:27] Oprah didn't let her early career setbacks deter her. In fact, she actually used it to fuel her, her motivation and she was able to find her unique strengths in connecting with others. And that led her to success with TE and beyond. So her connection, her ability to connect with other people was her success.
[00:12:48] So she says, I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear.
[00:12:57] Choose love over fear.
[00:13:02] Scary stuff. Scary stuff happens every day. And I'm not talking about war or natural disasters or any of those things. I'm talking about just going out of your comfort zone and having to take yourself off of mute on a huge company conference call and remembering your name properly, you know, or like if you have to go and introduce yourself and they want you to tell your favorite color and you forgot your favorite color, that could be scary.
[00:13:29] Give yourself grace and just understand that you're going to make mistakes and you're going to sound stupid. And really most of the time you don't even sound stupid. You just sound stupid in your head.
[00:13:41] Resilient people like Oprah use their experiences to adapt, find new opportunities and strengthen your sense of purpose. If the opportunity isn't there on the path that you're on, then that's not the right path. You need to figure that is your mistake. That is a mistake. That is when you're like, this is a dead end, I've made a mistake and you need to retrace your steps. Take off those heels, put the boots on and walk across those cobblestones backwards. And go back and figure out where the misstep was and learn from it and then go in a different direction. It can be frustrating. It is super frustrating having to retrace steps, having to redo things. But in those actions, you're teaching yourself, you're learning. So the next time that you're in the same situation, you don't do that thing again. You don't do that exact same thing thing again.
[00:14:33] So here's some action items for embracing detours and missteps that I would love to encourage you to think about. So I want you to reflect on a time when you faced a setback, but identify at least one positive outcome from that setback or anything that you've learned from that.
[00:14:55] So, for example, back in, I think it was 2016 or 2015, I created a marketplace for military spouses to share services and hire each other for the services I had. It was kind of like an Etsy, but it was for services. It wasn't really for like goods that they hand make and that kind of thing. And I just didn't, I was working in a full time job at the time. It just, all of the things didn't go right and I don't know that my heart was really in it. Like I knew that it needed to exist and I really believed in it, but I didn't believe in it enough and I didn't believe in myself enough to really make it happen. And now Spousely exists. There's a company called Spousely that Monica Fullerton, she's a military spouse, she created it and she is going gung ho on it. And it is, it was, it was the bones of what I was creating or trying to create back in 2016. And I failed. But she picked, she created this and she's doing such a great job with it and it is such an incredible marketplace for military spouses.
[00:16:02] What I learned from that situation is that had I have really wanted to do it, I would have persevered and I would have made myself more vocal and I would have made myself more visible. I was afraid, I was afraid to share that with the world because I didn't want my company that I worked for at the time to think that I was working during the day on this. And I didn't want them to think that I was planning on leaving because I felt loyal to them. But I just, I didn't, I wasn't as visible and I wasn't as gung ho about it. And so going back, I learned that if I really believe in something I'm going to share it and I'm going to be proud of it, and I'm not going to let anything fall through the cracks again. So my failure became somebody else's success, and that makes me happy for them because I don't know now that's not something I don't think that I would have wanted to have been my baby, you know? Now, journal. I've been talking about journaling a lot on this, this season, and I think you should reflect on a past misstep and talk about, write down, what did you learn?
[00:17:13] How could that experience be guiding you closer to your true path? So in my example, I knew I wanted to connect people somehow I knew I wanted to connect military spouses and help them support each other. I had a blog for military spouses at one time. I had a podcast for military spouses. So connecting people is something that I love to do. Building communities is something that I love to do.
[00:17:34] And so my true path is somewhere in that. Connecting people, building community. That is my true path.
[00:17:45] So what have you done in the past that is getting you closer and closer to your true path?
[00:17:53] I want to encourage you to try small changes in your routines to build flexibility and prepare for future detours. Be prepared. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. As they say. Be prepared, be flexible, take a risk, but don't take the whole risk. Just be smart and that's all you can do.
[00:18:18] But also stay open to possibilities, stay curious, and be open to change. Detours can open doors that we didn't even know existed.
[00:18:28] Plans change, things happen, people move. People come into, in and out of our lives for different reasons. And when you're set in stone like, this is my path and not going to stray from it, and I'm going to do this and this one thing only. And you get so you get that tunnel vision. You miss everything else going on around you that you could be missing opportunities if you're only solely focused on straight ahead.
[00:18:55] So welcome the detours. It could be a better path.
[00:19:01] The greatest glory in living lies not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall. Nelson Mandela said that. I'm going to say it again. The greatest glory in living lies not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall.
[00:19:21] Just think about all those times there's been failure. Think about people, you know, and what they've done after they've failed. Sure, there's a time of wallowing in a time of grief and a time of embarrassment, but what are the actions that they've done afterwards. You want to look, look at those people who maybe their greatest idea came after that failure. And that happens a lot.
[00:19:48] Use them as an example or be an example for somebody else. Fail. Learn from it. Get up off your butt, figure it out and be an example for your kids, for your spouse, for your friends, for your family.
[00:20:02] Try. That's all you have to do is try.
[00:20:06] Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently. Henry Ford said that. I like that one. Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently. So you're not going to do the same thing again.
[00:20:23] You already learned, you're already a little bit more knowledgeable, you're already a little bit more of an expert in that because you've already done it. And you're like, oh, that is not the path to go down. We got to go down another one.
[00:20:37] I want you to view setbacks as opportunities to find new paths and build resistance, just as Oprah did, just as so many people that we know think. Like I said, think about your family and friends, people in your community who you look up to. Nobody has had a straight line path unless they've had. They were born into a wealthy family and they had money at their expense and they could just do.
[00:21:05] Look at the people who have started from nothing. Look at the people who have worked and worked and worked and really look at their stories because all you see is the shiny and the accomplishments and the certificates and the awards and all of the top 20. And you know, I'm making billions of dollars a year. All you're seeing is that you don't see the backstory. Look at the backstory. Ask people to share their stories. Everybody fails. Everybody fails at something every day.
[00:21:36] I failed today because I didn't get enough vegetables in my diet. All I can do is do better tomorrow.
[00:21:44] And that's all you can do.
[00:21:46] Don't lose that resilience. Don't give up on yourself. You have the power to choose. You have the power to choose your own adventure in this life. It is not mapped out for you. Some, you know, some beliefs do believe it is already mapped out for you. But we still have free will and we still have the ability to make a choice.
[00:22:07] So if you make a bad choice, the good news is that you have the opportunity to redo, to do it again.
[00:22:15] With that being said, I'm going to conclude this episode today. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope it inspired you to think of your failures as something maybe not to be proud of, but something to add to your knowledge bank.
[00:22:28] You're smarter because of your failures.
[00:22:32] As we say here at the Remote Mom Collective, being different makes a difference. So let's support and inspire each other. Let's connect on socials. Send me an email. If you want to be a guest, go to the website thereemote mom. And if you want to send me an email and let me know how you're doing, my email is mom. Thereemote Mom. I hope to see you soon. Talk to you later. Bye Bye.
[00:23:41] Sa.
