Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: You're listening to the remote mom collective podcast, where moms can find their stride in the remote work world. Whether you currently work remotely or you want to, you're in the right place.
I'm Brittany the remote mom, and I've been working remotely since 2007. I became a mom in 2015, and.
[00:00:23] Speaker B: There'S a lot to learn.
[00:00:25] Speaker A: Together, we'll support, inspire, and empower each other on our journey to balance work, life, and motherhood from the comfort of our own homes or wherever we're working remotely. Together, let's redefine what it means to be a working mom. Let's support and inspire each other.
[00:00:45] Speaker B: Hey, everybody, and welcome back to another recording of the remote mom collective podcast. I am Brittany the remote mom, and I'm here today with Laura early with wise advise. Why did I go blank on the name? I've known you guys for years. I've used wise advise for my own projects. They're a wonderful full team. And, Laura, I'll just turn it over to you just to introduce yourself really quickly.
[00:01:08] Speaker C: Yeah. Hey, Brittany. It's so great to be here. We were kind of geeking out over email because Brittany and I have known each other for a very long time, have worked together in a lot of different arenas, and so really excited to see what you're doing with the remote mom collective. Excited to be a part of it today, but, yeah. My name's Laura early. I'm the chief experience officer and founder of a company called wise or wise advise and assist team is our long, fancy name.
We are a project management digital marketing firm. We help small businesses grow and scale without taking on the burden of employees. And we have an all female team, which is really cool when we talk about this. And 99% of our team are moms, so super applicable. I'm a mom myself to a toddler, and so I always tell people I'm new to this remote mom gig. I've been working remotely and been in my role for nine years, but the last two years, adding in a kid has just completely changed my perspective, my outlook, my appreciation for working moms, and excited to be here to talk a little bit more about it.
[00:02:12] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. It really is kind of a game changer when you have a kid. It makes it so much different than pre kiddos, so. Well, thank you for that intro. And today's topic, we're talking about struggle of the juggle, learning to hold tight to the glass balls and let the plastic ones fall. And, Laura, when you suggested this topic idea to me, I really love this idea.
And I want to talk more. I want to get dig into what the glass balls are, what the plastic ones are, and let's just jump in and start. And start chatting. So, first of all, how did you come up with this idea? Because it's a great concept. I think it's something that we all struggle with.
[00:02:54] Speaker C: Yeah. So struggle of the juggle is something I have been saying for a while in so many things because I think people I don't know, and I saw this, too, in so many different areas of my life, you think you're going to get everything figured out and have a plan. And along with being a mom and a full time employee, I'm also a military spouse. And so my life is never fully figured out. And so really helped me to embrace this. Like, it's the struggle of the juggle. Like, you're always going to be juggling things whether you're a mom or not. Mom just throws in a whole new level of, you know, of balls. Right? Like, and so I've always had this concept of, like, harmony, not balance, of, like, you're. I imagine it used to be. I imagine you standing here with your arms out wide with all these buckets of water on your arms, and there's, like, your personal buckets and your professional buckets, and they can't all be full at the same time. Right? Like, you're not going to stand even at the same time. And so that kind of evolved into this idea of, like, the struggle of the juggle. And I cannot take credit for the glass versus plastic balls that I heard someone say, and I wish I could remember who, and maybe I will, and Brittany can give them credit in the show notes, so. But I heard them talk about this concept of, like, juggling glass and plastic balls and how you always have so many, but you can't let them. They all aren't going to be in the air perfectly all the time. And if you have that figured out, like, phone us in, phone a friend. I need to know what your secrets are because I haven't mastered it. So those two concepts kind of merged for me when I heard that person talk about the kind of glass, plastic ball concept. And I was like, oh, that is the language to the struggle of the juggle that I've been talking about and thinking through in my own life for so long. So that's really where it came from, is like, you're always going to have a million things to juggle and be in the air, but all of those things can't be glass balls. Some of them have to be plastic, whether we want them to be or not. And some of them are going to fall. And it's, for me, it's learning to be okay when they fall and also learning to identify which one is glass before I drop it.
[00:05:05] Speaker B: Well, that's what I was going to ask. How do we decide which one is glass and which one is plastic?
[00:05:10] Speaker C: Yeah. So I wish, because I'm sure all these busy working moms listening are like, just tell me exactly what it is and I'll apply it to my own life. And that would be me if I was listening. So I'm sorry that I don't have that answer for you. I mean, there's some, right, that are the same for all of us, but there's some that are really determined by your own individual circumstance and lens. And so I encourage people when I'm talking with them to really figure out what youre personal mission statement is, vision statement for your life. Like, you have to know what your priorities are as an individual. Right? And it's easy to be like, oh, my priorities are my spouse, if you're married, or my partner, my family, my kids, because we're talking about moms here, my job. But those are really broad, super broad. And me prioritizing my kids and my spouse could look different from you. So, like, for me, one, kids at all different ages require different things. But for me, I might be comfortable with having my child in full time childcare so I can work full time for someone else, it might look like they only want their kid in, I don't know, 10 hours a week of childcare so they can work. So their priorities with work and with kids are going to be different. And that's just one example. So I think you have to first sit down and figure out what's most important to you. Um, what are the things that are non negotiables? And that's where I always start. Like, the non negotiable thing for me is, like, I always am picking up my daughter and dropping off my daughter. Like, though that's a non negotiable for me, that's going to be me unless I'm out of town, right? Like, that's something that's important to me. I don't like other people driving her. It's a weird thing. Pet peeve of mine, whatever. It's not weird. It's just a pet peeve of mine. It's my thing, right? We all have those things with our kids. I always want to be the one that do this I. I always want to make the lunches because that's really important to me. That's not important to me at all. I don't care if someone makes me lunch or makes her a lunch. I'm like, great. I don't have to do it, right? So those are the things you have to think about down to the specifics. What are the non negotiables for you? Same with your. Your job. What does your job require of you? What are the things that have to get done that have to be you? Um, and that's kind of how you determine that line between glass and plastic. Now, some of these are going to be gray, right? Like, if I don't pick my daughter up from school and someone. Someone else does, right? She has to be picked up. Someone else does it. It's not the end of the world. It's just a little bit different than what I would. What I want to happen now, like, not being there on, like, her birthday or not being there, you know, like, those things are bigger. Those are more important. Not being there when a crisis happens, like, etcetera. So you really have to sit down for yourself and kind of prioritize what's most important to me. What do I have to do? Like, what is. What has to be me? And then what do you want to do? Because I think that's the other piece. We don't always think about when having this conversation of glass versus plastic. We tend to put our wants as plastic balls, and they don't have to be and they shouldn't be. What do you want your life to be? What do you want to do? And I think for a lot of us, especially moms, working moms, that changes from month to month. It sometimes changes from week to week, day to day. And that's the challenge. And that's why I call it a struggle of the juggle, because for me, I kept thinking I would figure out this master schedule for myself and I would just follow it and this would be my schedule. And, like, that's so unrealistic for my life. Like, that's not what happens. Like, I'm. My husband's in the military. Like, yesterday, he's gone right now. He called me and said, hey, I'm extended another week. So, you know, it's not, it's not ever going to be the same from week to week. And you have to. I have had to learn to be okay with that and to also learn, you know, how do I continue to juggle those things? So that's how I think about it. First, you have to determine your non negotiables. What's most important to you? What do you like, what do you want to be doing? What do you want your life to look like? Because at the end of the day, our legacy is composed of many things. Our work is a part of that. But when we're. When we're old, at the end of the day, like, our job's not going to be there to take care of us and care for us. It's going to be our children and our family. And so what are the things that have to be true in order for what we want to be true in 50 years to be true?
[00:09:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
Wow. Yes, you're right.
I keep thinking, like, okay, what would my glass balls be? What would my plastic balls be? Because it's really hard to determine what. What those are because they all feel super important. Important.
[00:09:49] Speaker C: Yeah. So Brene Brown talks about this and her leadership concepts, and I think it's totally applicable here. She talks about, like, what's going to matter? It's the fives, right? What's going to matter five minutes from now? What's going to matter 5 hours, five days, five months, and five years from now. So if it's going to matter five years from now, five months from now, like, those, to me, are like, super glass balls. Like, those aren't going to be dropped. And we want to make sure that we don't put those down because those are going to matter.
[00:10:22] Speaker B: What happens if we drop a glass ball?
We put it back together and put it back in the air, and we figure. And I think maybe we figure out.
[00:10:31] Speaker C: Yeah, you figure it out. You figure out what it looks like. Right. We're going to drop a glass ball at some point. And I think that's part of the resiliency we have to develop as people and as moms. It's learning one to recognize that it's falling or that it's fallen. Right. I think if we can recognize that it's falling before it completely shatters, we can do, you know, we can. We can fix some things. We can make some arrangements. Right. But if it falls, knowing that, what are we doing as a result of it? Like, I always look at things as an opportunity for growth. Like failure is an opportunity for growth. It doesn't. Because this failed, it doesn't mean you're a failure. And I think so often as moms, particularly as women, we see failures and we allow them to define us. So if I failed this direct, I'm a failure. I'm a bad mom. The amount of mom guilt that's just out there, that's encouraged by social media, that does all of these things. Right. I think that that's a. The huge part of it, it's not that it fell. It's going to fall. You're going to drop a ball at some point. Plastic, glass. I probably. I dropped two glass balls last week. Right. Like, it happens, but it's. What do you do after it? And then also, how do you forgive yourself and, like, go through that kind of grieving process? Because sometimes there's a grieving process of something that you dropped, an opportunity that you missed, something with your kids that you missed something for yourself. I think that's the other side of this. We talk about, as mom a lot about the things that we fail our kids, but we don't talk about, like, where we failed ourself or where's the last opportunity that we didn't get to be a part of because we are moms and learning to forgive yourself and then also, like, fail forward. What's the opportunity? Oh, this? I dropped this. Great. Now is a perfect time to evaluate how did it fall? Could I have prevented it? And what needs to happen next time in order for it not to fall? Do I need more support? Do I need to communicate better with the support I have with my spouse, my partner, my children? Do I need to not stack my day so much that I'm running from a nine meeting day immediately to pick up and not allowing myself time to process whatever it might be? Those are examples from my own life. But, um, that's what I would say is, like, when it falls, are you taking the time to grieve it? Are you also taking the time to process and think about how do you prevent it the next time instead of just rolling into the next minute, rolling into the next day and just trying to keep juggling without evaluating?
[00:13:13] Speaker B: Yeah, I think that's really important. I think you're absolutely right when it comes to looking at what happened and learning from that, because anybody who's successful or who has accomplished many things in their life has also failed at many things in their life, and that's how they get to where they are. So we can't automatically be perfect at everything, because, number one, it wouldn't exist, but number two, you wouldn't be able to get better at anything. And so I think there is beauty in the dropped glass ball, you know, to be able to redo it and reform it and do better the next time. So that was very helpful.
[00:13:50] Speaker C: I think the other part of it too is like, I'm a mom for the first time.
Why do we have no grace for ourselves? Like, no one taught you how to do this. There wasn't a college or high school class on how to be a mom. There was no certification.
[00:14:06] Speaker B: There's no instruction manual at all.
[00:14:08] Speaker C: Instruction manual. And I will say, and I say this as I'm an adoptive mom. And so even as an adoptive mom, because I'm required, I was required, my husband, to take classes to learn a lot of things. No one taught us how, like, no one teaches you how to do this, how to juggle, how to figure out what your priorities are. Like, there's a lot of things we can listen to and go through, but some of so much of it is self reflection and self evaluation.
Yeah, it would be great if we could just watch a TikTok video and be like, I'm going to parent, exactly like that. And you might pick up a tip from that, or you might pick up something like, but there's no perfect way. There's no one way. And I think when we stop looking to everyone else to tell us how to do it and we start spending some time with ourselves to figure out what do I, what do I want it to look like and what am I going to be okay with? At the end of the day, it doesn't matter. Like I said earlier, something that's a plastic ball for me might be a glass ball for you. It might be the most important thing in your universe. And that's okay. It doesn't mean that you're right and I'm wrong. It's different for each individual in our own circumstances.
[00:15:13] Speaker B: Yeah, comparison is so hard. It's so hard because then you're like, yeah, I know. It's not just, I mean, it's applicable to everything. So that's a really good point too, is just understanding. But you have to understand who you are first. I think that's part of it, is you really have to like, dig in and understand what you truly want. And sometimes we don't know that.
[00:15:36] Speaker C: Yeah. And I think for me, and this is something I'm still working through, so I'll be tuning into the podcast, maybe learn from other people. Is like the shift in identity from spouse and employee, woman to mom, and the shift in identity as mom in the different seasons of motherhood. And that's something I'm still learning. Like, the mom that I wanted to be was a lot easier for me to be in the infant stage.
It's more challenging for me in the toddler stage because it's demanding in different ways. And so I realized that I hadn't stopped. It was a couple of months ago. I hadn't stopped to be like, okay, what does motherhood look like for me in this season? And then not just what does it look like, but what does it require? And, um, that's where the hard part comes with me. When we talk about the juggling, there are things that I would love to make glass balls, like, non negotiable. Like, glass balls. I go on a girls trip with my friends every year. I do this. Right. I would love for those things to be glass, but they cannot be in this season of my life.
[00:16:45] Speaker B: Right.
[00:16:46] Speaker C: And that's really hard. Like, it's really hard for me to, like, swallow that and digest that. And it's hard to say out loud because a lot of people be like, well, that's just being selfish because part of being a mom is not getting to do what you want to do all the time. And some of that is true. Right. But it doesn't mean that the process of, like, grieving who you were before and what you were able to do before in that last season of age or the season before you were a mom, it doesn't mean that it's not hard to process and figure out.
[00:17:15] Speaker B: Yeah, I think you bring up a really good point because. And I feel like so many moms feel like they have to hide this part, but there is a grieving process that you go through when you become a mom. And I actually want to have. I want to talk about that on different episodes and talk about the different seasons and what that. How. How that looks, because my daughter is now. She's a tween. She's nine. But, like, she's. She's a tween. Right? Like, she loves all of the. I mean, I can't. She's definitely a teenager.
[00:17:44] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:17:44] Speaker B: At this point. And so. And you're right, it is completely different depending on the stage that your child is in, the stage that you are in personally. When she was born, I went through a really hard time, and I grieved that person that I was before I knew my life was going to change. And I felt like I had to hide that guilt, and I felt like I wasn't allowed to have that. And so giving yourself grace in that transition period is so important for you to help understand. Like, the girls trip is a glass ball, and I have to have that every year or I have to have that. Whatever, you know, whatever that looks like you're right.
But we don't do well as moms, putting ourselves first. So that definitely does take practice to do, too.
[00:18:28] Speaker C: Yeah, it takes practice, and I think it also takes finding your village. Right, as well. Yes. And I'm. That's the whole premise of why you started this. Right? Not just being a mom. There's lots of moms out there, but finding moms that are also working moms. Well, then finding moms that are, like, remote working moms, because that's a whole different vibe. Like, I don't leave my house except for pickup and drop off, and that's, like, not good for my soul. Right. Like, I get out of the house more.
[00:18:52] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:18:54] Speaker C: I'm a high extrovert, so it's, you know, that's a challenge for me. And so it's finding this village or. And village sounds like such a big word for me. It's like finding one to two. Maybe if you're lucky, if you can find one, if you can find more than two, like, you're doing amazing group of moms that can relate to your stage in life, your stage in kids, your philosophy on things. And not that we want to surround ourselves with people who are exactly like us. We don't want that because we want people who are going to challenge us to think differently. But having people that you can have some of this honest dialogue with, that's been really life giving for me, because my journey to motherhood as an adoptive mom, very different than a lot of traditional moms. And there's a lot of things that I have thought and felt and struggled with that I felt like I couldn't say to the general public without being judged. Because, let's face it, we're in a world where, like, you feed a kid a carrot, someone thinks it's the worst thing in the world. Half the other people think it's the best thing in the world. Like, you're not going to please anybody. Um, and so having those people that you can have some honest dialogue with, where you can speak your fears, speak your stress, you know, speak that into existence because it helps you process it, and it also invites people in to maybe give you a piece of encouragement or to give you some advice from what they've been through in the past. And like you said, it opens up that door to hear, like, you're not alone. Cause so much of it is like, man, it is just so affirming as a mom to hear, like, oh, yeah, I've thought that, too.
[00:20:29] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:20:30] Speaker C: Everyone's not perfect. Everyone's not. They don't have this figured out. Oh, they haven't mastered this. Like, there's other people struggling just like me. And that's the beautiful thing, I think, of the conversation of the struggle, the juggle, because you're not the only one struggling. Everyone is juggling balls every single day. Everybody. So why aren't we talking more about, well, what are we juggling? And what does it look like to juggle that? And do you have any advice on how to master this part of it? Because we each have an area of genius like, that we're really good at something within, you know, the motherhood, the remote working mom journey.
[00:21:05] Speaker B: Yeah. And we're almost out of time, but this conversation has been so awesome. But just, I wanted to point out one other thing that you said that the village doesn't necessarily have to be a big collective of people. It can be one or two trusted folks that are alongside with you that you can trust, and you. They're safe for you. And so I think we always feel overwhelmed when we're, you know, we hear, you have to find the village. You have to find the village. And it could be just one or two people. So I really like that you said that.
[00:21:35] Speaker C: Yeah. I think people are, you know, again, it's really hard to make friends. It's really hard to make friends when you're older. It's really hard to make friends as a mom. It's really hard to make friends when you work from home and you don't leave your house very often. Right. Um, so I think you just have to, like, instead of always being hunting for more and feeling like you don't have enough. And this applies to so many areas. Just being satisfied with what you do have and leaning into what you have. And in this element of the conversation, it's that one person, it's that two people that you have, um, an understanding with and can have that. That shared common ground with and that conversation with. And then same with. As you go back to what you're juggling. Right. Like, being grateful for the fact that you made it through the week with four glass balls still in the air. Maybe you dropped two. Okay, but four still in the air. That's pretty good. Like, you know, like, that's not failing. If we talk about, like, really good, you know, like, you're doing great and you got all these plastic ones, too. Like, look at you. Like, you dropped three things this week. Good for you.
Being like, oh, I dropped three balls this week. Wow. Like, no, you still got whatever. Seven in the air. Good for you. Like, way to go.
[00:22:42] Speaker B: That's great. I love that. Look at the positive side of it and be grateful. I think gratitude is a big component of this as well, and just being grateful for what you have and everything, all of your village and your support and everything that you do have going on. So that was a really good, really good point there. Well, Laura, is there anything else that we should mention to the listeners that we didn't touch on? I think we covered a lot.
[00:23:07] Speaker C: Yeah, we covered so much. And I love this topic. So sorry for all the tangents and bunny trails. I hope you guys out there listening enjoyed it. But I would say, and we'll bring this back, and I'm gonna. We'll put together and give you a worksheet that goes with this. But really setting some. Setting some time aside, and I know you're busy working, mom, so you don't have a ton of time. I hear you, but maybe just five minutes to start putting it on paper. There's. There's such a beautiful thing about pen to paper of, like, really establishing what's important to you. And that could really even start with all of the things that we're juggling. We're juggling so many things, but have we taken the time to sit down and be like, wow, these are all the things I'm juggling this week. This month, I do it kind of monthly. Weekly is a little too much for me.
These are all the things that I'm juggling this month. Wow, that's a lot. There's 200 things on this list. I don't know. It might not be that expensive. And that can help. You just go through the paper with a p or g. Is it a glass? Is it a plastic? And then you're like, okay, I went through the paper. Wow, there's still 100 things that are glass that they can't all be glass. I know what my capacity is. My capacity is not 100 glass balls. My capacity might be 50 for the month. Okay, then I have to decide which of these glass, this one, compared to this one, is going to move into plastic and kind of creating that prioritization chart for yourself. That way, at the end of the month, when you are dropping things or you're letting things go, you can look back at that list and be like, oh, I'm actually doing okay. According to what I decided for myself was important. Who cares what everyone else thinks? I decided for myself. These were my top ten most important glass balls. These were my top ten most important plastic ones. Everything else is somewhere in the middle.
[00:24:45] Speaker B: Oh, so good. I'm definitely going to have to. When we get the worksheet, I'm going to have to do the work. See, too.
[00:24:51] Speaker C: Me, too. Right? Like, I mean, this is something I'm constantly practicing and learning myself because that's, again, the. The beautiful thing. And the most frustrating thing to me about motherhood is it is constantly changing.
[00:25:03] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. Never a dull moment, right?
[00:25:06] Speaker C: No. Well, I would love a dull moment when we all just love a dull moment.
[00:25:10] Speaker B: So it would be so, so nice. So nice just to be bored, right?
[00:25:13] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:25:15] Speaker B: All right. Well, thanks, Laura, for being on today. Is there any. Let's see, where can everybody find you if they wanted to reach out to you or learn more about wise advise? Where should they go?
[00:25:24] Speaker C: Yeah. So at wise advise team on all the socials or wise advise team.com.
i am pretty hidden on social personally, but you can absolutely reach out through wise and find me or my LinkedIn. Laura early is probably the best place to find me as an individual. I'd love to connect with you all. I really love this topic, and I'm so excited, Brittany, to see how this continues to grow and tune into all of the conversations because I want all the advice.
[00:25:52] Speaker B: Oh, thank you for the support and for being here today. I had a lovely time with you and thank you to our listeners. And as we say here on the remote mom collective podcast, being different makes a difference. So let's support and inspire each other. Thanks, y'all.
