Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] You're listening to the Remote Mom Collective podcast, where moms can find their stride in the remote work world. Whether you currently work remotely or you want to, you're in the right place. I'm Brittany, the remote mom, and I've been working remotely since 2007. I became a mom in 2015, and there's a lot to learn. Together, we'll support, inspire and empower each other on our journey to balance work, life and motherhood. From the comfort of our own homes or wherever we're working remotely together, let's redefine what it means to be a working mom. Let's support and inspire each other.
[00:00:48] Hello and welcome to another episode of the Remote Mom Collective podcast. I'm Brittany, the remote mom, and I'm so glad you're here today.
[00:00:56] Today we are talking about how to embrace the competition because there is room for us all. I am not a very compet person, although I will get not jealous, but I do kind of look at other people and I definitely am excited when people excel. Don't get me wrong, I love it when people get promoted or when great things happen to them. I'm their biggest cheerleader. But there is a part of me that's kind of like, okay, when's it my turn? I'm ready. Here I am. And I'm not competitive in a sense of, oh, I gotta be better than everybody else and I gotta be better and do this. And I'm really not. Even when we play games and stuff, like, I could care less if I win. I just really am not interested. It doesn't bother me. Of course, if I do win, it is exciting, but it's not gonna ruin my day if I don't win something.
[00:01:46] So I wanted to talk about this because I do think that I could possibly be a little bit more competitive. And I think that there is a way for us, and for me personally to embrace the people. And I don't, to be honest with you, I don't even know who I would consider to be in competition with. I just am not interested in being put up against somebody else. I think that we're also individual and we offer so many different things that the only time that maybe I would be want to be, you know, I would be super competitive is if I'm up for a job or if I'm up for an opportunity and I'm not selected for it, then of course I want to be the winner of that. So. But I'm not going to try to take anybody down. You know, we often hear that competition can be cutthroat, but the reality of it is that it doesn't have to be that way. And I think that's usually what I think about when I think about competition. I think it has to be like taking down your enemy or, you know, in a boxing match, and you want your opponent to go down. But competition can actually push us to grow and connect with others and, you know, even collaborate in ways that make everyone better in this situation. So today we're going to explore how to embrace competition as a tool, personal development, and collective success.
[00:03:08] So let's talk about the benefits of healthy competition. Okay, and today I'm talking to myself, too. Today, as we go through this episode, I'm talking to myself.
[00:03:18] We need to. I need to reframe competition as growth. It isn't negative, and I think I've always viewed it as a negative thing, because in a competition, you have a winner and a loser. It can actually serve as a motivator that encourages us to step up and improve.
[00:03:37] So, you know, even in situations where it's first, second, third place, honestly, I'm happy to just make it in the top three. I don't even have to be the number one. Or if it's, you know, where you're a nominee or you're a finalist and there's like, 20 finalists or whatever, that. That's usually good enough for me, even if I'm nominated for somebody else for, like, an award or something, that's good enough for me. But it can motivate us to step up our game. And, you know, maybe this year we may not win, but we can look at what our competitors were doing. Let's say we are up for an award. Let's just use that example throughout this podcast today. And let's say that we're up for an award for something. Could be anything. And let's say we didn't win. So we could look at what our competitors did and what were the factors in the judge's decision to making that person the winner over us. And then we can use that as motivation in the next year so that if and when we are nominated again for this award, it can push us even closer to that number one spot, which ultimately it doesn't matter, but to some of us, it really does. But if you're using it as a motivator for growth, then I think it. I think that a motivator for growth instead of being, like, top dog, I think that's a great way to look at it. And I think that's something that I haven't really looked at before.
[00:05:06] So one thing that we can look at is fitness challenges. Now, I go to one of those boot camp gyms. I really enjoy going, but I'm not a competitive person. I'm actually more competitive with myself personally than with I. Than I am somebody next to me. Now, if I go to yoga, I definitely want to be the person that's balancing the best and doing all that.
[00:05:26] Not that you can be really great at yoga, but I do love yoga, and I can balance. Like, one of. That's one of the things that I'm really good at is balancing. And then once I get really limber and stretchy and flexible, I really am good at that. So I'm not trying to compete with the person next to me, but I'm using them as a gauge to be like, okay, can I do what they're doing? So I do go to the bootcamp classes, and there's. I'm just not in a physical. My body is just not physically where it needs to be to be able to complete those classes without any breaks. Those classes are hard, and there are some people that do multiple classes a day, and the trainers are amazing, and they're able to go through it without any breaks. I'm just not there yet. I'm in my 40s, trying to get healthy again, trying to lose about 10 pounds. So I have a way to go.
[00:06:18] But I could use this as a way to join a fitness challenge. My gym does fitness challenges all the time, and I haven't done one yet because we all know I have an issue with consistency, because of consistency, and also because I think I'm scared.
[00:06:37] And also I'm not really that competitive, so I don't really care if I win.
[00:06:42] But if I think about it, this really isn't about who's winning. It's about, can you beat your own goals? And so it's like beating yourself, kind of. So when I think about it as beating myself versus beating another person, I kind of am more inclined to do it if I'm trying to beat myself. Does that make any sense? Does anybody else like that?
[00:07:04] So you could do a fitness challenge so where instead of competing against others, we're in an arena or in a challenge where you're being cheered on by other people. So these fitness challenges that my gym does that I can't remember what they call it because I'm still new to this gym, just been there for about a year, I think the challenge games or something. But there's certain Challenges that you have to do, I don't know, like a hundred burpees, like some crazy, insane stuff. And you're just trying to beat your best, or you're just trying to beat the clock, or you're trying to beat the number. It's not like you're trying to beat another person and you have people cheering you on, like right there next to you, just saying, you can do this, you can do this, Keep going, keep going, keep going. And that you're really not competing with another person. You're competing with yourself in the own time. So I feel like that's a good way, that's a good example of being competitive, because then you're pushing to your physical limits and it's pushing you to be stronger and you're achieving your fitness goals. And when you're in that gym atmosphere, you're building camaraderie with the people around you.
[00:08:16] John F. Kennedy said, a rising tide lifts all boats. And I try to live by that, even within work and in my community and things that I do, I really try to lift other people up. Because when you're lifting other people up, you rise with them. And I have found that, not that I help people for. For them to reciprocate when I need help, I. That's not my motive at all. But I have found that because I am a person who checks on other people, who really, truly cares about what others do and care about their success. Whenever I have ever raised my hand for help, which is really not that often, because I have an issue asking for help that I'm working on, but I have found that those I have helped are the first ones to come rushing to me to help me. And I appreciate that so much. And instead of looking at these people as competition, we're looking at each other as helpers. And yes, maybe we are competing for the same role, for the same, I don't know, whatever award, but at the end of the day, all we want is to help each other out. Because when rise together, when we bring each other up, it just makes more sense to all do it together, right? So I don't know if I made that point. I think I kind of went off on a tangent there, so I hope you kind of understand what I'm saying.
[00:09:44] I will say this about competition, and this is good for me to know because this is good for my mind, my mindset, but studies actually show that healthy competition can improve performance by up to 25% because it motivates people to put in more effort, which is True. If you think. If you think you're being compared to somebody else, then you probably are going to put more effort into something.
[00:10:09] Or if you think somebody's watching you and you're excited that they're watching you, and maybe you're. I don't know, gym class, ninth grade, you're having to run the mile and you see somebody watching you, you want to be the first one. You want to impress them. So, you know, you can do it for yourself or you could do it for somebody else. I guess the point of this whole thing, though, healthy competition can actually bring out more in you, and it can bring out more in your community and build that sort of camaraderie that naturally happens when you do have healthy competitions. I'm actually staring at an award that I have that I got several years ago. It looks like in 2019 is when I got this. It's the Castles in the Sand. I was on the championship team, and that particular event was a sandcastle building contest that we had in a leadership group that I was in back in 2019. And this leadership program was one year long. So from January to November, and once a quarter, we got together as a group for, I think it was like four or five days that we were together, and we were in intensive classes all day. And then we would do a group activity. And this particular class, we had to, as a team, build a sandcastle that represented one of the company values. And I couldn't even tell you what our sandcastle was. I don't remember what it was. But our team together won, and we won the Castles in the sand award. And while I wouldn't have cared about it if it were just me individually, because I was in that group, I was more competitive. It's interesting that when I'm in a group setting, I'm more competitive than I am when I'm just in an individual setting. And, you know, it's. I don't know why. I don't know if maybe it's more of, you know, we were a collaborative team, and so it's not, you know, if we're talking smack to the other teams, it's us as a group talking smack, and it's not just me doing it. So. So maybe that group mentality makes me feel a little bit stronger. But, you know, healthy competition is good because it does push you outside of your comfort zone, and it does push you. And our team won. Our team won that event. So it's funny, I just happened to look up and see that. I don't usually look up in that direction every day, but I did. And there it is. There's that little trophy. Okay, so let's talk about strategies for collaboration over comparison.
[00:12:49] Comparing yourself to others can lead to jealousy and insecurity.
[00:12:55] I'm going to say that again. Comparing yourself to others can lead to jealousy and insecurity, while collaboration fosters mutual respect and shared growth. And I can say that 100%. There have been so many times that I have looked at people who are at my same age, have the exact same education background as me, but have better titles than I do, and better meaning more responsibility, making more money, you know, just better looking on paper, basically. And it really comes up to, in my mind what I'm saying is, well, they didn't have to move every two and a half years like I did. And they didn't have the choice or I didn't have the choice of finding a great job where we were located because I just knew that I was going to be moving in two years and nobody would hire me. So that has been kind of my excuse. But I still have felt very jealous of people and I still feel very jealous of people who are my age and in more senior roles than me because I feel like I should be there too, but I'm not.
[00:14:09] And I have to remember that those situations in my life and situations in their lives really do. I know we talk about how things, things happen to people, but you can choose with what is happening to you to make your own path. Yeah. So there were situations in my life that led me to being where I am and why I was in a certain role for so long. Sure. And some of those things really are out of our control. But I made the choice to stay with the company that I was with for so long. I could have left and I could have tried to go to another job, but I would have had to have left in like a year. And it wouldn't have, you know, maybe would have gotten me the title that I wanted, but I wouldn't have had tenure. I wouldn't have been able to stay for very long. And then I probably would have had resume gaps and then I would have had employment history. History on my resume that was like a year and a half. And that doesn't look good. Usually if you're looking at consistent behavior of like staying in a job for a year and a half, that's to me, when I've looked at employee resumes, that's something that raises a red flag. I don't think maybe these days anymore. It doesn't really raise a red flag. This is another conversation for another day. But what I'm saying is I have definitely been jealous of other people, and I have been insecure about roles that I've held and how long I've been in positions and things like that, simply because of my situation that I was in personally. You know, jealousy is a thing, and it's there, and it made me insecure.
[00:15:48] So if we collaborate, though, it fosters mutual respect and shared growth. So instead of being jealous of these people, I've actually joined networking groups with a lot of emotion. Most of them are virtual, but I've joined networking groups to see what they're doing and learn from them and share my knowledge with them. And they're asking me questions, and I ask them questions. And so we collaborate and we learn from each other.
[00:16:18] And that's. That's really what you have. What part you have to get to.
[00:16:23] And that's helped in my brain a little bit more, being like, okay, I really have done all that I could possibly do, and I sure I did get stuck. But we all have things in our employment history. If we're talking about employment, just for this specific example, we all have things in our employment history that we're probably, like, we have to explain or we're not that proud of, or we're a little bit embarrassed over, to be quite honest.
[00:16:51] I want to talk about small business owners supporting each other. And this is a really important thing. I think, especially when you're in a community situation, you have to support each other. Even competitors should really be supporting each other. When I worked at. I worked at a stationary store when I was in high school at the mall, it was a local store. It was a locally franchise, or it wasn't even a franchise. It was just a privately owned company. And they had multiple locations. In my area, I think they had six or seven. And it was only in the Atlanta area.
[00:17:25] And I loved working at this store. But one of the things that we were really good at, because there was another complimentary store in the mall, too, that was our competitor, but they were more of, like, a national brand than our store. And so if customers came into our store looking for specific things and we didn't have it, and I had already called all of our other locations, I would say, you know what, Since I can't help you and I don't have it here in my store, why don't you try the other store that's on, you know, floor two over by Macy's. And they can probably help you there, because I think I was in there the other day and I saw it. So you can always share knowledge with your competitors, and if you can't help one customer out, your competitor might be able to, and just vice versa. Don't say anything bad about your competitors.
[00:18:18] Don't see each other as competition, have shared resources and help each other grow, because competition really is healthy.
[00:18:28] I'm going to ask you to look for ways to collaborate with those in your field. So whether that, whether you're a small business owner or whether you're an independent contributor or whatever you are, just look for those in your field that could be your competitor and try to collaborate with them.
[00:18:53] That could mean co hosting a workshop, sharing resources, brainstorming together. One example that I have is when I had a. When I had an idea when I was a military spouse for a gig economy, a service gig economy for the military spouse community. I think it was, I think back in 2015, 2016, and I started doing research and really nothing existed. There was a website that I found that was more of kind of like an Etsy for military spouses, but there wasn't one that offered services like babysitting services or hair services or those kinds of things like pet sitter. Those are the kinds of services that I wanted because people need those kinds of things. And we were always trying to hire military spouses to do those kinds of services. And I found a. A lady who owned a company on the Internet and it was like an Etsy for military spouses. And I reached out to her and I said, look, I said, your company is very similar to mine, but yours is more like online things and mine's more in person.
[00:20:01] So we're very complimentary. So can we refer, can we like collaborate here and refer each other to each other? And then we started talking and we ended up having a podcast together. It was called Mill Spouse Coffee House. And so that relationship that could have started out as us technically being somewhat competitors, it ended up being a really good friendship and we had a successful podcast and we were invited to go and speak at Pod Fest on the military stage. I didn't get to go. She went. But it was a really cool experience because we had a lot of great exposure and a lot of listens and a lot of downloads, and we had sponsors and all of those things. So you never know where collaboration can take you, is what I'm saying.
[00:20:47] Helen Keller said, alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much.
[00:20:54] That sentence isn't really mind blowing. And it's pretty simple.
[00:21:01] But it's so profound. It's so true. All we have to do is just work together. Doesn't matter if we sell the same product or if we're going after the same clients. At the end of the day, we're offering a service, and it may be a good fit for somebody, or it may not be, and you may be the better fit.
[00:21:24] I want to encourage you to join peer networking groups, whether it's a virtual or in person, and you can get together. So if you're like in client success, for example, there are many different groups in different areas nationwide. In Atlanta, there is a client success group, and they get together regularly and they meet up and talk about things that go on in client success. And they discuss challenges, they share job leads, they offer advice. And a lot of these people who go to these networking events feel more empowered and they feel less alone in career, in their career journeys, no matter where they are in that career journey.
[00:22:08] Some people find accountability when they get within their industry, and they can find an accountability partner. These accountability partners are great because they set goals together and they check in on progress. So maybe they, like, meet twice a month, or maybe it's even once a month, and they just check in. You have coffee and you kind of go through everything, and then you set goals for the next month. Okay, this is what I'm going to do next month. And it's not really your partner that's keeping you accountable. And maybe your partner does text you or call you to check in, but it's more of like, the actual meetings of, like, okay, by the next time I have that meeting with you, I'm going to have this stuff done.
[00:22:47] And it's almost just like putting that on the calendar can help you stay accountable and vice versa for that partner.
[00:22:55] So I encourage you to either find or create your own network of supportive peers in your field. So it could be formal, where you get together and you actually talk shop, or it's just a couple of friends who get together and you have similar challenges and goals, and you just keep each other accountable.
[00:23:18] I want to remind you and myself that competition should be about improving yourself and not beating others. It's really important to set personal benchmarks for success and not use somebody else's benchmarks in your own personal story. So I have a fake person to tell a story about. But this, this will help you kind of understand.
[00:23:41] So let's talk about Lily.
[00:23:43] She is a freelancer who felt threatened by more established freelancers in her field. Instead of focusing on their success. She began to track her own progress by setting income and client goals. And over time, she realized she was much happier and more successful by focusing on her journey rather than comparing herself. So the more she focused on her goals and, like, what her next steps were, she was more excited about that and reaching those goals. And she stopped caring about what her competitors were doing because she was focusing on what she had. The next step to get to the next step to get to the next step. She was more focused on her.
[00:24:23] So it's interesting how by focusing on her goals made her even more focused on her journey, which shouldn't be that interesting, but take it off of your competitors and don't compete with them anymore. Don't use their benchmarks as yours. Maybe use them as, I don't know, maybe you could use them as benchmarks, but go past those benchmarks. Use them as ways as markers that you can go past and beyond and don't stop where they stopped. Use that as a way to encourage yourself. Okay, so we're getting up to the action items. Okay, so this is what we're going to do.
[00:25:00] I know you're not surprised, but gratitude has come up again, and we need to show gratitude and appreciate the strengths of competitors and understand that that can help us shift focus from jealousy to admiration. So instead of looking at someone being like, oh, I just wish you I was where you are. It's not fair. It is not fair. Why am I not there? We've done the same things and why have you gotten in? And I don't.
[00:25:31] Instead look at it like, oh, wow, you're so amazing. What are you doing differently that I'm not doing?
[00:25:38] Identify the one thing that you admire about a competitor and reflect on how it might inspire your own growth.
[00:25:46] So on paper, you may look identical to somebody, but dig in a little bit more. Maybe have a conversation with that person and just say, you know what? I'd really love to learn your story. And you might learn something about them that you had no idea. Maybe they overcame something that was really traumatic.
[00:26:04] Maybe that's what you need to hear. Not that you want to knock them down in your brain, but then you can shift your focus to be more inspired than jealous.
[00:26:18] There is room for everyone's success, including my own.
[00:26:24] So that's an affirmation that you can tell yourself there is room for everyone's success, including my own, which is absolutely true. There are so many people on this earth, and I've thought this so many times when I've had Like random business ideas. And I'm like, oh, I have to be the best. I have to be the best. I have to be the best. Why are they mentioning that company? But the fact of the matter is, is that there are so many people on this earth, there's plenty to go around.
[00:26:51] There is room for everyone's success, including my own.
[00:26:59] I want to also quickly talk about online communities and I want to share a story with you about a woman in an online community. And in this community she offers advice, resources, and they also celebrate each other's achievements, achievements, which is very similar to what my remote group does.
[00:27:26] And these communities can provide support and insight even among people who might otherwise be considered competitors. So we do have, in my local group, we do have several people who do the same thing. But what's really interesting that I've noticed is that a lot of them are like, let's connect. We probably have similar ideas that we could share with each other. We probably have similar things that we could connect and learn from each other on. And it's really interesting to see that collaboration, that natural collaboration in there.
[00:27:58] People who feel part of a community are 60% more likely to report career satisfaction compared to those who feel isolated in competitive environments. So if you feel supported and you feel like you have a community you can lean on, you're happier.
[00:28:15] I'm going to suggest that if you're not already part of an online group or forum, then you need to be. And if one doesn't exist, then do like I did and create one. And it could be something as simple as working remotely. I noticed that there wasn't a remote working moms group and so I created one. Because remote working is different than working in an office. It's a completely different animal. And people who work in an office constantly don't know the things that people who work remotely go through. And if you've only worked remotely, which there's only, I don't know if there's anybody out there that's only worked remotely, then you wouldn't know what goes on in an office. But if you haven't done it in so long, like I've been remote since 2007, almost 20 years.
[00:29:03] I forget what it's like sometimes to be in an office.
[00:29:07] So having that community that is of like minded people in similar situations can be really helpful.
[00:29:16] Okay, so let's wrap this up. I want to wrap it up with a quote from Serena Williams. The success of every woman should be the inspiration to another. We should raise each other up and honestly that's been my goal for this whole podcast. You know, one of the goals is actually to kind of help myself. It's kind of selfish in that regard, but at the same time, I feel like I'm helping other people too. So if you're listening and you feel like this is helpful, thank you for listening and let me know. Send me an email. MomTheRemote Mom. Or you can find me on wherever I am on social media. And if I don't reply back to you immediately, that is not because I'm ignoring you. It is because I am not on these social media channels all the time. Email is the easiest way by far. And LinkedIn message, those are the two easiest ways to contact me if you, if you need anything. But we should be raising each other up. There is plenty of room at the table for all of us. Yes, it is healthy for us to be competitive with each other, but we, we really need to lean in on that inspiration piece instead of the jealousy. And I know that's easier said than done because we have that little green monster sitting on our shoulders saying, well, that's not fair. Why did she get that and you didn't? Well, she had different life circumstances and she could have gone through things a lot harder than you. And there's probably things that you don't know about her story that got her to where she is. It's not all black and white. What you see on her LinkedIn profile, what you see on her social media, that's not real. I mean, it is part of her story, but that's not the whole story. So just remember that as you're looking through LinkedIn or you're seeing people on social media, we only share the good things.
[00:31:09] We don't share the hardships. We don't share the hard stories and the failures. And so it can be easy to spiral out of control and feel like a competitor is somebody that's your enemy or somebody that you should be comparing yourself to.
[00:31:30] Stop comparing yourself if it's making you sad.
[00:31:35] Continue comparing yourself if it's making you do better. I guess that's the simple way to look at it. If you have any more advice or thoughts on this, please send me an email and let me know. I'd love to hear it. As we say here on the remote mom collective, being different makes a difference. So let's support and inspire each other. I hope you all enjoyed today's episode. Have a great day.
