Be Your Own Hero

[00:00:02] You're listening to the Remote Mom Collective podcast, where moms can find their stride in the remote work world. Whether you currently work remotely or you want to, you're in the right place. I'm Brittany, the remote mom, and I've been working remotely since 2007. I became a mom in 2015, and there's a lot to learn. Together, we'll support, inspire and empower each other on our journey to balance work, life and motherhood. From the comfort of our own homes or wherever we're working remotely together, let's redefine what it means to be a working mom. Let's support and inspire each other. [00:00:49] Hey there and welcome to another episode of the Remote Mom Collective podcast. I'm Brittany, the remote mom, and I'm so glad you're here. Today we're going to talk about how to be your own hero. We all the time are thinking about other people and thinking how awesome they are and oh, I could never do that, or how did you muster the strength to do that? But you know, everyday people, you and me, we can be our own heroes. We don't have to have that Superman or Superwoman swoop in to save the day. We can do it. And those heroes that we hear about are just everyday ordinary people until they become the hero that everybody hears about. So, you know, we often think of the heroes as extraordinary people, but being a hero is actually within your reach, my reach, it's within everybody's reach. It's all about embracing self reliance and making choices that prioritize your happiness and really just finding strength in your own resilience. And you're resilient every day, whether you like it or not. You get out of bed every single morning and you put on your clothes and you brush your teeth and you eat your breakfast and you feed your kids and you go to work and you do the things that you need to do to get through the day. [00:02:08] And that is strength. [00:02:10] So today we're going to dive into how you can be your own hero through just everyday acts of self advocacy and confidence building. It's that simple. And then once you build that confidence, maybe you can be a hero for somebody else. But you got to start with yourself first, right? [00:02:28] So let's talk about self reliance and what that is. And self reliance involves taking ownership of your happiness and learning to trust that inner voice that you have. I think a lot of times we try to silence that inner voice and we think, oh, no, it's just our head, or we think it's our intuition or we're not sure if it's our intuition and it's hard to determine which is your head or your intuition. But it's all about trusting that inner voice and that gut feeling that you get and building a life that reflects your values and your priorities. Have you ever done something or you've been involved in something, or you meet someone and you just get kind of a funky feeling about them? It just. Something feels off and you can't put your finger on it. [00:03:12] That's your intuition. That is your inner voice and your gut feeling. And you should listen to that. It's actually a lot more knowledgeable than you think it is. That inner voice is not stupid. It's. It's kind of our, I don't know, not aura radar, but energy radar, I suppose, for lack of a better word. And you're constantly reading that energy and your inner voice and your higher self, you know, are part of that decision making process. And so listen to that. [00:03:41] So I want to share a relatable story. So I was doing research and all of these amazing stories kept popping up. There was one about the. I believe her name is Bethany. She's was surfing and was in a shark attack. And you know, she's done incredible things. And yes, those stories are so inspirational and so, you know, wonderful to hear about, but they're not 100% relatable because they're just not. And so I wanted to create examples. Even though these might be fictitious examples or these aren't actual people that I know. I wanted to come up with some examples that are relatable to you so that you can feel like you can translate it into your life. Because there's nothing worse than sitting there listening about how awesome somebody is and how inspirational they are. And they did all of these hard things and it's really hard to relate to it. You may be proud of them and you may be really inspired by them and thinking, oh, well, they can do it with all of these things that were against them. I can do it too. But sometimes it just makes it feel a little bit more disconnected. Even. Even that way. I don't know about you, but sometimes it feels like that for me. So in some of these examples today, these are not real people. These are just scenarios that you can, are probably happening in your life or it's happening to somebody, you know. [00:04:58] So let's talk about a career change. So let's talk about this character named Emily. Emily is a single mom who realized she was unhappy with her corporate job. Gosh, how many of Us have been down that corporate job road with determination. She started her own consulting business, giving her the flexibility and the satisfaction she needed to better balance work, to better balance her work and her family life. And so that is being her own hero. She made that change, she took that risk. She knew she wanted to be there for her family. She knew she needed to have a flexible schedule for her kids and she needed a better family life. So she created it for herself. She was her own hero. She also was her family's hero, her kids hero. [00:05:44] So happiness is not something that is ready made. It comes from your own actions. And the Dalai Lama said that. [00:05:52] We talk a lot on this podcast about. You can put out all the beliefs and you can do all of the manifestation activities and you can visualize as much as you can in your head. But if you don't actually put forth the action, nothing's going to get done because nothing's just going to fall in your lap. The odds of something just falling in your lap are slim to none. [00:06:15] I'm not saying you can't go out tomorrow and win the lottery. I hope you do. I send you all of the lottery blessings and energy your way. But the likeliness of you winning the lottery is probably not very high. [00:06:29] So you need to put in that action. And so in this situation, Emily was super unhappy in her corporate job. And yeah, I'm sure she probably had several months of that consulting, building that consulting business that were pretty hard. But she probably didn't jump into that consulting business immediately. She probably pre planned for about six months to a year so that she could build up some sort of cushion that she could fall back on just in case her consulting business didn't go the way she wanted it to go. You can't just, I mean, you can if you want, but I don't recommend just jumping off that cliff if you don't have any sort of monetary, you know, anything to help support you just in case it takes a while for your business to ramp up. But doing something as simple as changing jobs or even just changing responsibilities at the same company, maybe you just shift your role within the same company. [00:07:20] That's being your own hero. Making a small change to make your mental health better is being your own hero. It doesn't have to be something so significant. [00:07:31] Let's do another example about how you can stand up for yourself and that can be your, your hero. So here's an example about a lady named Sarah. So Sarah was passed over for a promotion at work twice. But instead of accepting it she prepared a case for why she was qualified and requested a meeting with her manager. And by advocating for herself, she not only secured the promotion, but also gained respect from her peers and her superiors. So you have to, you know, there's. There's probably a reason why she was passed over twice. It's probably because they didn't know she was interested. Maybe she. This was kind of a situation where you didn't actually apply for that promotion. Maybe it was just assumed because of her seniority or whatever. But a lot of times if you don't ask, you're not going to get it. So we don't know the backstory in Sarah's situation. It could be that she just didn't say anything and she assumed she was going to get it because she was next in line. But my point is, is you actually have to come forward and advocate for yourself and say, I want this. I'm ready for a change. I'm ready for more responsibility. I'm not going to sit here and let somebody else pass me up when I'm more qualified. [00:08:44] And you don't have to do it in a way where it's threatening, where it's like, give me this role or I'm leaving. But you do need to be assertive for yourself and advocate for yourself and make sure that your voice is being heard. And if it's not being heard and you are continuously being passed over, then maybe it's a time for you to change managers. Like maybe change internally if you can, or get out of that company. And that's advocating for yourself as well, getting out of an unhealthy company. Here's another example for you. A health journey. So after ignoring his health for years, Jason decided to take control by setting small goals like taking daily walks and cooking more meals at home. Over time, he lost weight, gained confidence, and inspired his family to make healthier choices. Now, number one, I don't like this story because it's super easy for guys to lose weight. [00:09:37] Just saying. But with that being said, let's pretend it was. Let's pretend it was a girl in this kind of situation. Because Jason took care, changed, made that change. Going for walks every day and not sitting on the couch, watching TV or scrolling through his phone. He made a conscious effort to take walks every day, maybe after lunch, and then maybe he decided, you know what? Instead of ordering takeout every single day, I'm going to bring my food from home. And naturally, I think when you make food from home, it's healthier. You probably make more Salads, you might make more sandwiches. It might be leftovers from what you ate the night before for dinner. You know, a hamburger really isn't the easiest thing to reheat, but a sandwich or a salad is really easy to pack and keep fresh. And so a lot of those foods that naturally are healthier for you I think are easier to transport. [00:10:37] So that's one way. Just by simply changing where you're getting your food from or the activity that you're getting in a day, you're being your own hero. You're the one that can get you out of the situation. [00:10:49] We're not always going to have other people to reach out their hand to help us. So you're going to have to rely on yourself and pull out that strength that you have. And we all have that strength. You just have to find that motivation. You just have to dig deep to find that motivation. Whether that motivation is your own health and your own safety, or that motivation is for another human being or an animal or the idea of something, if that's your motivation, dig into that and use that as the fuel to be your own hero. [00:11:22] Something. Another, another example for you here. [00:11:26] Let's say, say that I want to negotiate with my employer for more flexible hours. Now this is not true. Luckily, I work for a company that is the epitome of work life balance. I love working for this company and they're amazing as far as paid time off and you know, having time for your family and for yourself. But let's pretend like I was in a situation where I needed to have better hours because let's, you know, my, my husband is gone a lot and it's just me and my daughter a lot of the times. And I have to go to parent teacher conferences, I have to take her to all of her activities, I have to do all of these things. When she gets home from school, I have to make sure she gets home okay and starts her homework and usually she's pretty self sufficient. But I need more flexible hours. Let's just say that I need to talk to my employer. [00:12:20] If I talk to go to my boss and I say in this hypothetical situation and just say, look, I'm having a really hard time at home, it's affecting my work. If I had a little bit more flexibility where I could sign on earlier in the morning and then maybe take a chunk of time off, maybe like an hour and a half or two hours in the afternoon, then I'll log back on at 4 o'clock and I'll work till 7 if there are set hours, you know that I have to be on for my workday or whatever that looks like, just ask. All you have to do is ask. It's scary to ask that question. But you never know unless you do ask that question. [00:12:55] And if you ask the question and it's not accommodated, then again, maybe this is a situation where advocating for yourself and being your own hero is finding another opportunity that allows you to have that flexible situation. [00:13:09] So what are some things that we can do to build confidence and you know, that get to that self advocacy, because that's really hard. That can be really hard to stand up for ourselves sometimes, especially if we are people pleasers and we don't want to hurt anybody's feelings and we are those people who would rather put somebody else first instead of ourselves. It can be really hard. [00:13:31] It's so important to be assertive, especially for yourself. Not to the apart the point where you're aggressive. You don't want to come off as aggressive. It's okay to be assertive though, and it's okay to express your needs and preferences in a respectful and confident way. So if you just start small, maybe by asking for help with a project or setting boundaries with a friend or coworker, that might be a good stepping stone for you. I know personally, as I've gotten older, my boundaries with my friendships have been a lot easier to articulate. You know, when I was younger, it was harder for me. I was very much a people pleaser and I did whatever the group did. And I didn't want to cause any friction with anything because I hated conflict. But as I've gotten older, I know what I like to do. I know what I don't like to do. I know when I want to go out, when I don't want to go out. I don't like to go out late. And so I do have restrictions in place. And my friends know that I like to go to bed early and I like to wake up early. And there are certain things that I will and won't do and they know that and they respect that. [00:14:38] So you have to be able to put those boundaries up. [00:14:43] Boundaries are so crucial. I want you to start identifying situations where you have felt uncomfortable or overwhelmed and then think about ways to protect your time and energy. Is it maybe changing friends? Is it maybe. Maybe there's that one friend that you have that just pushes you and pushes you and pushes you and not pushes you in a good way. There is a good kind of push where somebody can encourage you to do Something great friends to have to push you to get outside your comfort zone. This is somebody that makes you feel so uncomfortable that you're doing stuff that is just not within your space. I guess I don't know how else to say it. It's not within your space to do it and they're constantly pushing you to do that, then maybe that's somebody you really don't need in your life. And, and if they don't respect your boundaries, then it might be time for you to have that conversation with them where you just say, you know what, I've enjoyed the time that we've had as friends, but I do think it's time for us to part ways and I wish you the best. And it's going to be uncomfortable and it's probably going to be scary and that person might be unhappy, but you got to do what you got to do for yourself. [00:15:56] I want you to start celebrating small wins. [00:16:00] Acknowledging everyday victories like speaking up in a meeting or taking time off for self care can boost your confidence. [00:16:08] Self acknowledgement is empowering. It's hard to do the hard things, but when you've done them, don't you feel a little proud of yourself? Like, oh my gosh, I did that. I'll give you actually a personal example that this really happened. A couple of months ago, one of our clients came to us and said, okay, we want our vendors to come to us with presentations, but we don't want it to be a demo. We want it to be more of an educational topic than an actual demo. And we want you to tie your product into this educational topic. Because we have found that when our vendors come and just do a demo, you know, our team isn't really that interested. But if it's when it's an educational topic, they actually pay attention. Which I. Yes, that is true in my personal opinion. Yes, when vendors, my vendors have come to me and given me demos, I'm like, oh my gosh, this is so boring. But if they're teaching me something and I'm getting value out of it, then I'm definitely paying more attention. So I thought, okay, what are we going to do? And so I started communicating with my internal team and to be quite honest, I thought that I was going to get maybe a presentation internally and they would have given it to me and I just would have kind of basically presented it with the information that they gave me or somebody else who is a little bit more client facing and more of a speaker would actually just do this webinar. But no I did it. I took responsibility. I created the presentation. It was a topic that honestly I didn't have a whole lot of experience in. And I did the research and I created the presentation and I shared it internally and I got feedback and I tweaked it. And when I gave that presentation at the end of it, I was so proud of myself. It was a. I think it was like a 45 minute presentation, so it was pretty long. [00:18:01] And then the icing on the cake was when I got an email after from that client and they said that presentation was exactly what we wanted. Great job. You nailed it. And it felt so great. I think even if I hadn't got that email, I would have been proud of myself for taking it from the beginning to the end. Not that I've never done that before. I have created and given many, many, many, many presentations over the course of my career, but this one was a little bit different because it was actually an educational topic. And while I have done training before, this was my own material that I was creating. So it felt really good to do that and I was proud of myself. And you know what, I can do that again. [00:18:45] So that was a small win that I'm going to be able to build on over and over and over again. And it boosted my self confidence. [00:18:55] I also want you to build confidence in your own abilities and choices so you can also make mistakes and then grow from that. Mistakes are a normal part of growth. [00:19:11] The most successful people have a history of setbacks, and resilience is the key to moving forward. I feel like this comes up on every single podcast episode. Failure is part of the plan. Failure is always part of the plan. [00:19:28] You need to build that into your plan and expect it, even if you don't want it. Failure is inevitable and actually you should want it because then you'll learn from it and get even better. And we'll never get to that point of perfection ever. And I hope you don't ever get there, because there's always room for improvement somewhere. And we're not going to give the perfect hundred percent every single time. Understand that mistakes make us who we are and they're important in our life. [00:20:01] Here's another example. So this example is somebody named Maria, and she wants to learn a new skill. [00:20:09] Maria has always wanted to learn how to code, and so she began taking free online classes after her kids went to bed. So although it was challenging at first, she kept at it and eventually landed a job in tech. And that boosted her confidence in ways she had never expected. I mean, she started taking free classes online. [00:20:32] There's a quote that Carl Jung said, and it's, I'm not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become. [00:20:42] You are not what happened to you. [00:20:46] You are who you choose to become. [00:20:48] Part of who you choose to become is probably because of what happened to you. But you have every control, you have every bit of control over who you are and who you are going to become based on these little actions that add up over time. But you have to be your own hero to do that. And in turn, you are showing your children how to be their own hero too. If you advocate for yourself, you are showing your children that it's okay to advocate for themselves as well. [00:21:17] We've done the visualization in a couple of podcast episodes, and so visualization is a big part of that. So if you're feeling nervous about putting out boundaries or talking to your manager or any of those kinds of things, practice it in your head first. Use that visualization that we've talked about in a couple of our episodes, especially this, this season. If you haven't listened to those episodes, definitely go back and listen. But I want you to, in your visualization exercise, picture yourself succeeding at something that you're currently working on and emphasize the importance of feeling the emotions tied to that success. So I want you to really look at that feeling, feel it in your bones. What does it feel like to get to that level of success of whatever you're trying to do? [00:22:06] What does that feel like to you? [00:22:09] And that will help you get there. I know it seems so hokey and it's so hard. It can be really hard. We get stuck in our heads and we're like, oh my gosh, this is so stupid. I don't want to visualize. Only weirdos visualize. It's too woo woo. Just try it. Just do an experiment and try it and see how it feels and see if it makes a difference. If it doesn't make a difference, then don't do it. [00:22:34] But I think you'll find that if you actually try it, even if it's something simple about like trying to hype yourself up to make a good dinner, you know, maybe that will help. [00:22:47] Journaling can really help. I need to take my own advice. And again, consistency is an issue for me. So if you journal, I want you to use this journaling prompt. I want you to think about a recent time when you spoke up for yourself or made a decision that positively affected your life. [00:23:07] How did it make you feel and what can you learn from that experience. [00:23:15] Think about that. You can think about it in your head. You can write it down, whatever feels best for you. Go for a walk and, you know, marinate on that thought for a while while you're walking. [00:23:26] But I think that there's a lot in that feeling of how it positively affected you. [00:23:38] You know, affirmations are something we talk a lot about, but saying something like, you know, I'm in control of my happiness and I'm capable of achieving my goals. [00:23:52] That simple sentence can help you get into the mindset. And again, it feels super silly saying it out loud. It can if you feel silly about it. I don't feel silly about it. But if you've never done it before, it can feel silly. [00:24:11] Taking Time for Self Care Self care is a powerful form of self advocacy. I want you to prioritize activities that rejuvenate you, whether it's reading, exercising, or just sitting on your back porch and zoning out, staring at your backyard, whatever that activity is that brings you joy. Just be I have a really hard time just being. I constantly have to be looking at something, reading something, listening to something. I don't like silence very much. It's hard for me to have silence, especially as I've gotten older. It's really hard for me to have silence. When I was a kid I didn't really mind it. But as I've gotten older, I have to be listening to something. Whether it's music or a podcast or just like the TV on in the background, I have to be listening to something. [00:25:04] So I personally need to do better at the silence and listen. Just kind of being. [00:25:12] You don't need anyone's permission to live your best life. [00:25:16] Actually you do. You need yourself's permission because you're not going to be able to do it without the actions of yourself. So give yourself permission to be your best version of yourself. [00:25:28] Being your own hero is being the best version of yourself. [00:25:35] And try to do what you can for self care practices, whatever that looks like for you. Honestly, it could be just taking a shower and standing in the water for 10 minutes. [00:25:47] That's actually something I really love to do. Just kind of stand in the shower. That's what that's actually a good time that I like to just kind of be is in the shower and you just kind of stand there and let the water run over. And then sometimes I look at like the tiles and see the patterns and the tiles because the. Our shower has like little. It's like stone tile or something. So there's interesting patterns in the stone. So that can be a little, a good little escape. [00:26:17] I'm going to close this episode today with a reminder that we all have the capacity to be our own heroes by taking control of our happiness and advocating for our own needs. I know it seems easier said than done. It's going to take practice and you're going to have to start small. But once you start doing it, you'll realize that it just gets easier and easier and easier. [00:26:39] Heroism is often found in small, everyday acts of courage. It doesn't have to be something big and extravagant. You don't have to save anybody life. [00:26:50] And if you think about it, living your best life and being your own hero is saving your life. [00:26:56] It's making your life better. It's improving your life. [00:27:01] So even the small acts add up to something significant. [00:27:08] I hope you enjoyed this episode today. As we say here on the Remote Mom Collective podcast, being different makes a difference. So let's support and inspire each other. [00:27:21] If you have any questions about anything or if you'd like to be a guest on the podcast, you can shoot me an email @MomHeremote Mom. Or you can go to my website at TheReemote Mom. I'm on social media, mostly. Facebook, LinkedIn, I'm on Instagram threads. I think that's it. All the things there. [00:27:43] But I hope you enjoyed this episode and I hope you have a wonderful day. Until next time. Thanks, y'all.