Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] You're listening to the Remote Mom Collective podcast, where moms can find their stride in the remote work world. Whether you currently work remotely or you want to, you're in the right place. I'm Brittany the remote mom, and I've been working remotely since 2007. I became a mom in 2015, and there's a lot to learn. Together, we'll support, inspire, and empower each other on our journey to balance work, life, and motherhood. From the comfort of our own homes or wherever we're working remotely together, let's redefine what it means to be a working mom. Let's support and inspire each other.
[00:00:46] Hey there, friends. It's Brittany the remote Mom. Welcome back to the Remote Mom Collective podcast. I'm so glad you're here, because today we are going to be talking about you become what you think about.
[00:01:00] So if you're thinking it, that's what you are.
[00:01:04] Our thoughts shape our reality, and the way we think about ourselves, our goals, and our challenges has a profound impact on the outcomes we achieve. So today, we're going to explore how a mindset shift can lead to a more fulfilling and successful life. We'll look at how to reframe negative thoughts, embrace positive thinking, and truly become what we think about.
[00:01:32] So hopefully. Right. Easier said than done. No problem. Just think it and you can do it. Mind over matter, right? We all. We've always heard that saying, mind over matter. Or, you know, if it's in your mind, you can do it. If you put your mind to it, you can do it. Does anybody remember that song that the from Saved by the Pal? Say by the bell, Guys, why can't I talk?
[00:01:55] Saved by the bell. Put your mind to it, go for it, Jump up and take it. Something rock and roll. You ain't seen nothing yet. Do y'all remember that? Please say that I'm not the only one that. And I think they were called Hot Sundae. So it was Jesse. And why can't Jesse, Lisa and Kelly Kapowski. They were in that singing group called Hot Sundae, and that was their song. So if you haven't heard that song, you definitely need to Google it. It is an amazing music video.
[00:02:29] But anyway, so let's talk about mindset, and let's define what mindset is. Okay, so mindset is the set of beliefs that shape how we make sense of the world and ourselves and our lives and what we do. So a positive mindset can actually unlock potential, while a negative one can create barriers. So if you're constantly saying to yourself, I can't do it, can't do it. Can't, never could. My mom used to say that to me all the time. Can't, never could.
[00:03:01] And so if you're constantly thinking to yourself that you can't do it, then you're not going to be able to do it. I actually have been telling myself for a long time that I can reach a certain level in my career, that I'm going to get there and I'm going to get there and I'm going to get there and I will get there. Just watch me. So you know, I'm putting that mind, that goal and I'm going to have that mindset and I'm working hard to get there and I will.
[00:03:26] So I do have an example for you.
[00:03:29] Thomas Edison famously viewed each failure that he had as a step closer to success. And we've talked about this before. Failures are a step. Failures are part of success. Those are the pieces that we don't really talk about or hear about our people's failures. We only hear about the good things, but failure is part of it. We don't hear about people, about how much they fail until they become successful. And then we hear the backstory.
[00:03:56] So despite thousands of failed attempts of creating that light bulb, he said, I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work. So that is a really bright, haha, no pun intended way of looking at failure. You just found all of those ways that didn't work. And it's not, it's, it's not a wasted effort.
[00:04:24] A study from Stanford University by psychologist Carol Dweck found that individuals with a growth mindset are 30% more likely to succeed in achieving long term goals compared to those with a better fixed mindset. So if you are just stuck in your old ways and you're stubborn and you're just, you know, you're not going to do it or there's no way around that, or it's too hard, you're not going to do it.
[00:04:52] Let's talk about how you can reframe negative thoughts to promote growth in yourself. So cognitive reframing is how you can turn negative thoughts, thoughts into opportunities for growth. So I'll give you an example.
[00:05:09] If you say something like, I'm not good at this, that can become, I'm learning and I'll get better with practice.
[00:05:20] So listen, if you're like me, this is, this is the thing about me. I like to try lots of new things.
[00:05:27] I will try anything once for the most Part, for the most part. But if I'm not good at it, or if I don't have any sort of, like, natural ability or natural knack to it, where I'm okay. Where people are like, oh, that was a good first try, I give up. I'm like, okay, it's not worth my effort. I'm not even gonna do this. So I do have that in my mind, where I feel like it has to be a natural fit. And I don't know why I've been like that, but I always have been.
[00:05:58] And it actually makes me work harder when I feel like I have a natural fit to it, where it seems to come effortlessly, and then it becomes more of, like, an actual goal that I want to attain, and it feels like a goal that I actually can do. So I will give you an example of this, of learning and practicing. Growing up, I hated all sports I didn't want to do. My mom put me in T ball, soccer, tennis. All of the things I didn't want to do it. I hated it. But in the fifth or sixth grade, I discovered cheerleading, and I loved it. And I was natural. I was naturally good at it. I was a great cheerleader. I had fun.
[00:06:39] It was more about cheering on the team than it was anything else. I did some competition cheering, and that was fun, too. But I enjoyed the sideline cheer way better than I did actually competing.
[00:06:51] I enjoyed making up the cheers and the dances. And it was so natural to me that I actually was really good, and I felt like I could progress. And now this is going to go into a different topic. But I regret I didn't do it in college. I should have done it in college. I should have tried out. I regret that. I wish I could go back in time and redo it, but I. What I'm getting at is when you work hard and you learn, you'll get better with practice. And that's what I did with cheerleading, because I had that natural ability to do it. If I couldn't get a dance move or I couldn't get the jump right, or if I couldn't get the choreography or I kept forgetting the moves in the cheer, I would work hard. I'd practice over and over and over and over and over again. I was that girl in class that was doing the cheers in class or walking down the hallway.
[00:07:44] So use that. Use your brain to change it into, this is so hard, and I can't do it to. It's okay. I'm learning. This is the first time I've done this.
[00:07:59] I'm not supposed to be an expert at it and I'll get better.
[00:08:04] So there is a quick exercise that you can try for reframing. So what you would do if to reframe is you write down a recent negative thought.
[00:08:15] And what I'm going to do is challenge you to rephrase it to a more positive, growth oriented way.
[00:08:23] So think about something that you've done recently. Maybe it was something at work, maybe you tried to cook dinner and if you failed miserably and you burnt everything and it was awful, but reframe that to now I know not to walk out of the room and get distracted by what's on TV and forget that the food's in the oven and burn it. I won't do that next time I'll stay in the kitchen and I'll watch. I'll watch the movie from my phone, you know, that kind of thing. How can you reframe that to take it from a negative thought into a positive thought where the next time you do it, you're going to change some sort of action to do better.
[00:09:06] Whatever you think you can or think you can't, you're right. Henry Ford said that. So if you're like, I can't do it, then you cannot do it. But if you said, I can do it, I just need time, then you absolutely put your mind to it. You can do it. Those people who are like, I'm going to go to law school, I'm going to be a doctor, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this. They put their mind to it, they put in the work, they think positively about it, they're excited about reaching that goal for whatever reason and they get there.
[00:09:40] Positive thinking can lead to improved mental and physical health, stronger relationships and increased resilience.
[00:09:50] So we've talked about Michael Phelps before on a previous episode. So I feel like this is a little bit repetitive, but it is valid because the mindset is really important. The positive mindset is really important to get to where you want to go, to get to the next level. And if you are stuck in the negative mindset and you can't get past it, it's too hard to do this. It's too hard for me to tailor a resume for every single application. It's too hard to schedule all of these interviews and try to get the kids where they need to be while I have an interview, then it's going to be hard and you're not going to want to do it. And the more you Think about how uncomfortable and awful and terrible and, oh, it takes so much time, then you're not going to do it. But during Michael Phelps Olympic training, he uses visualization and positive affirmations to imagine himself succeeding. We've talked about this. So if you actually imagine what the outcome is going to be, visualize it in your head and practice it. So once you're there, you know you've been there before in your brain at least. And some of the external, you know, people aren't going to be doing exactly what they're doing in your vision, but you yourself have practiced the actions over and over and over again. So you know what to expect. And it helps you stay focused and motivated.
[00:11:18] So it can help you. These visualizations and this positive thinking can help contribute to your achievements.
[00:11:28] This. So right now we're going to talk about how to foster a positive mindset daily. Because sometimes we just wake up in the morning and it just is a terrible day. Just because it's a terrible day.
[00:11:39] I want you to try to start each day with a positive affirmation. So, for example, you wake up and you say, I'm capable of achieving my goals today, or I can handle any challenge that comes my way.
[00:11:54] And if you say it like that and you say it first thing in the morning, then when a challenge comes your way, you're probably gonna be like, oh, here we go. Challenge number one of the day. Let's do this. And you might have a little bit more humor about it. You might be a little bit more flexible.
[00:12:09] You might be a little bit more. I mean, you're more prepared. You know, challenge is coming. Challenges come every single day. And just go ahead and have that loosey goosey, flexible mentality about it and be positive and just think, you know what? This is a. This is a road. A road bump, A speed. Speed bump in this path. But it's a necessary speed bump. And I'll learn and we'll swerve and we'll figure, do you swerve? You don't swerve? I mean, I do when I'm in a parking lot and there's speed bumps, I swerve around them. But don't tell anybody, but you know what I mean?
[00:12:45] You can get through that challenge with that positive mentality.
[00:12:50] A daily gratitude practice. This comes up a lot, guys, in these conversations or these episodes that. That I've been recording recently.
[00:13:00] Daily gratitude practice can really shift your focus from what's lacking to what's going well. And so you stop. You just stop thinking about the negative. You stop thinking that.
[00:13:13] You know, every time I log on, there's an issue that's happening at work and I can't get away from the issues. It's nothing but complaint after complaint after complaint. And it's not even my fault. And I can't get out from under it. Instead of thinking that, think, you know what, today I'm going to go in and I'm going to put my ghost busting suit on and I'm going to pull out the proton pack and I'm just going to get rid of all of the problems and I'm going to have a good attitude about it. And we're just going to take them out one by one. And then what we're going to do is put in a. Put a plan in place so that these don't happen again. So if you kind of flip it and make it so that you're learning and then put an action in there where you're going to prevent it from happening in the future, that can help you think more positively so that you know that this issue probably isn't going to be coming again in the future.
[00:14:07] So when you do your daily gratitude practice and look, I'm really bad at consistency. Consistency is something that, I mean, if I were a superhero, I think that would be my. Don't they say that's the kryptonite? Isn't the kryptonite the bad thing that Superman does or that Superman can't have or something? But if I were a superhero, consistency would be my weakness. Like, I try so hard and sometimes it's just really hard. Maybe I'll talk about that on a podcast episode about consistency because I think I need help with that.
[00:14:39] But gratitude, having it every day, some sort of journal practice, or even if it's just sitting and inventorying at the end of the day, or lying in bed before you close your eyes and go to sleep and just thinking, what are the good things that happened today? Let's think about three things that I'm grateful for that happened today. I'm grateful that I have a job. I'm grateful that I have wonderful employees that I work with. I'm grateful that I have a paycheck every two weeks. It can be something really simple or it can be something really big. But those things that you're thankful for will help your mind, almost helps your mind feel at ease.
[00:15:22] And then we talked about visualization and I want you to. We've done this on another episode where I told you to close your eyes so you know, you can close your eyes. You can imagine achieving your biggest goal. I don't care if that's singing on the American Idol stage in front of all these people and winning it. Whatever that goal is for you, visualize it. Think about each detail.
[00:15:48] Feel the emotions. How do you feel?
[00:15:53] That's something that you need to think about and then feel grateful for those feelings that you have. And that will help shift your mindset from I'm not a millionaire to okay, well, I can do these things and I can get there. It'll take me hard work and time, but I can get there. And then when I get there, I'll look back at all of the hard work that I put in and I'll be so proud of myself.
[00:16:20] So we're going to shift. We're going to recognize and shift those limiting beliefs. I want you to identify any thoughts or beliefs that might be holding you back, such as like, I'm not good enough or I'm not smart enough. Forget about what people have told you. If you had anybody in your life growing up or even now that say you can't do that, ignore them.
[00:16:45] Ignore them. I don't care if it's your husband that you love dearly or your mother or your daughter, your son, whoever it is, ignore them if it's yourself. I hope you're not saying that to yourself because you shouldn't be, because you should. Then you need to start this episode over and start from the beginning, but you should not be. If you're hearing I'm not good enough, change that to I. Change that to something else instead of I'm not good enough. I am good enough, and I will show you that I'm good enough.
[00:17:22] But the thing is about these beliefs is that often they're formed early in life. So if you were told that growing up, that stuck in your head and it's part of your belief because you've been told that over and over and over again. But don't worry, it's not there permanently in your brain. It can be changed.
[00:17:44] It's not a simple task, but it can be changed.
[00:17:49] What you can do is write down one limiting belief and challenge, and you can actually, I wasn't reading my notes properly, so let me go back and rephrase. Write down one limiting belief and challenge that belief by listing evidence that contradicts it. So, for example, if you think I'm not good enough, list past accomplishments that prove otherwise. So if somebody told you that you couldn't do something, then list accomplishments that you've done in the past that maybe it's not the exact same thing, but it could be adjacent to that that prove otherwise.
[00:18:32] And then let's shift our mindset. Let's do some. Let's make Take action. Because all of this is great and dandy for you to listen to and, you know, agree with. Oh, yeah, that's great. I don't know. I do that, too. I'll listen to podcasts or I'll watch, you know, inspirational videos, and I'm like, oh, yeah, that's such a great takeaway. And then I never do anything beyond that. So some actions that you can take is repeat three affirmations that align with your goal and aspirations. So if you want to be a famous singer, repeat three affirmations that align with your goals and aspirations.
[00:19:10] I'm a wonderful singer, and I love taking singing lessons.
[00:19:16] I enjoy working with other people, and other people enjoy working with me.
[00:19:23] And I'm an individual, and I will be a star. Whatever. I mean, those probably that's more than three, but make it so that it aligns with your goals, make it align with your aspirations, and then reflect on a recent challenge that you have. How did your thoughts about the situation impact your experience?
[00:19:49] So if you were trying to do something and at the beginning of that activity, you thought, oh, this is so hard. I can't do this.
[00:19:59] How. What were the results of that activity? Did you. Were you successful? If it was a work situation, did you get good feedback on it from your boss or from coworkers?
[00:20:12] Or did you get feedback on it that it needed an improvement?
[00:20:18] How could you reframe those thoughts to promote growth?
[00:20:23] So let's say in that situation, you got negative feedback. Maybe it was too short. Maybe it was a little boring. Maybe it was a presentation you were giving and it wasn't interactive enough, then reframe it to. Okay, great. Now, I know that they don't like to stare at slides over and over again and hear me talk. So next time I'm gonna add in some questions and maybe some visuals and maybe some. Some quizzes and, like, I'll give out candy like little Hershey kisses if they participate. Who knows? Use it as a way to reframe and think, okay, I'll do better next time. I didn't know what I didn't know. I didn't know it was boring.
[00:21:08] I also want to encourage you to make that gratitude a daily habit. Like I said, I feel like gratitude is something that comes up consistently in these podcasts and that really is important to Malfunctioning to shifting your mindset.
[00:21:30] It doesn't have to be big. It could be as simple as appreciating a sunny day or sitting on your patio with your cup of coffee in your rocking chair and just looking out at the trees or whatever at your front yard.
[00:21:48] I would suggest setting aside five minutes a day to visualize your biggest goal, picturing each step and how it feels to succeed. And you know what? I'm going to actually challenge that and say, maybe it's not your biggest goal. Maybe it's your goal for the day. Maybe you're just trying to make it through the day and you have something that you really don't want to do. Maybe it's a doctor's appointment. Hate going to the doctor.
[00:22:13] And you visualize. Maybe you just think about that morning. Visualize walking into the doctor's office, changing into that stupid little polka dot robe, sitting on the table, going through the motions, doing all the. Answering the doctor's questions, asking the doctor questions, and then it's done.
[00:22:33] And usually if we think about it and we're like, okay, I'm doing this for my health. I'm doing this to make sure that there's nothing wrong with my body. This is not torture. It's something that I need to do to stay in front of any potential problems. It becomes more of a positive than a chore. Although it still is a chore. It still is.
[00:22:53] All right, I'm going to wrap up this episode today, and I just want to remind you that while mindset alone isn't everything, it certainly is a powerful tool that shapes our experiences and the way that we navigate life.
[00:23:10] Have you ever thought about how, like, if you're in a weird mindset and your child or your husband or even your friend comes up to you when you're in the middle of doing something, or you're just in the middle of being frustrated or something, and they just ask you a simple question, you snap at them, and then you feel really bad. I've done that so many times.
[00:23:30] Our mindset can affect other people because then maybe they could retaliate and cry, like if they're a child, or be like, oh, my gosh, what's wrong with you? If it's your spouse or your best friend or they act sassy back to you, and then it catapult or cannon. Snowballs.
[00:23:48] Catapult, cannonball. And then snowballs into a bigger issue.
[00:23:54] So be more mindful about your space.
[00:23:59] Try to be more positive. I know it's easier said than done. But I think if we just focus on what we're grateful for, and in some situations, it's really hard to find the good.
[00:24:14] Really hard.
[00:24:16] But there is good.
[00:24:21] By focusing on the positive thoughts, reframing challenges, and practicing gratitude, you really can become what you think about.
[00:24:30] So if you have a big, lofty goal, have that big, lofty goal, visualize it, write about it, tell people about it if you want.
[00:24:42] But I think also, too, you need to have smaller goals that get you there to that bigger goal. So whether it's one goal a day, today I will research, blah, blah, blah, to get me there. And then tomorrow I'm going to apply for this program to get me the certification that needs to get me there. And the next day I'm going to go to this networking event. And that's your little goal for each day, getting you to that big picture goal. And if you focus on the good things, life is good.
[00:25:11] I hope you enjoyed this episode today and I hope it gave you something to think about.
[00:25:17] If you have any questions or just want to reach out, send me an email @MomHeremote Mom. You can also find me on LinkedIn. I'm Brittany Miltner, the Remote Mom. I'm also on Instagram, although I'm not always there. Brittany the Remote Mom. And then on Facebook, the Remote Mom Collective Podcast. So I know it's a lot of different names, but, you know, you deal with people having the same. I couldn't get the Remote mom on all of the social medias. So it is what it is. Thanks again for listening. As we say here on the Remote Mom Collective Podcast, being different makes a difference. So let's support and inspire each other. Thanks, y'all.
