Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: You're listening to the Remote Mom Collective podcast, where moms can find their stride in the remote work world. Whether you currently work remotely or you want to, you're in the right place. I'm Brittany, the remote mom, and I've been working remotely since 2007. I became a mom in 2015, and there's a lot to learn. Together, we'll support, inspire, and empower each other on our journey to balance work, life and motherhood from the comfort of our own homes or wherever we're working remotely together. Let's redefine what it means to be a working mom. Let's support and inspire each other.
[00:00:46] Speaker B: Everybody. Welcome to another episode of the Remote Mom Collective podcast. I'm Brittany, the remote mom, and I am so excited to be talking to my friend Trish Beaman today. And actually, this is my first in person recording ever for a podcast. This is awesome. So welcome to the podcast, Trish.
[00:01:02] Speaker C: Well, thank you. It's so good to be here. Thanks for having me. And I love that we're in person. I think it just gives it a different energy.
[00:01:08] Speaker B: It really does. It really does.
[00:01:09] Speaker C: Because.
[00:01:10] Speaker B: And there's no. We don't have to worry about connection issues or anything sometimes that we have to. But I think you're right that the in person connection makes it really great. So what we're going to do is we're going to talk today about the mental load and what it is and how to manage it. But before we dive in, why don't you just introduce yourself to everybody listening and tell everybody who you are and what you do and why we're talking about this today.
[00:01:32] Speaker C: Sure, yeah. Thank you. And thanks for having me. Me, I'm really excited. This is actually my first podcast.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: Oh, you're gonna be great.
[00:01:38] Speaker C: Well, thank you. So like Brittany said, I'm Trish Beeman. I've had a career in media. I have a career in real estate. I've started some small businesses. I just kind of like to keep my hand in a little bit of everything. I think that when I think about the mental load, I think when you are a person who is driven and maybe you're also a mom or a partner, a spouse. Right. You have all of these things going on. Like, this is a topic that's really like, I'm passionate about it because I feel like there's so many who struggle with how to balance all of those things.
[00:02:10] Speaker B: Yeah, it's really hard. And actually, we're here in your office and we're doing a lunch and learn with our group today. And we were talking this morning about, you know, I asked you if I could bring a table and you thought.
[00:02:20] Speaker C: Oh, no, I have one.
[00:02:21] Speaker B: But then you thought, oh, well, somebody's helping me and offering me help. Why don't I take it? Right.
[00:02:26] Speaker C: Well, yes. And I think that is something that we often forget about, like, you know, especially people who are driven and really are used to caring so many things. And I think maybe as moms, we. We feel like that's what we should do or that's part of our job. And sometimes we don't even realize that we can take help and we can ask for help and we can take help. Like, you joked about the table, but I really did contemplate, like, bringing a table even after you said you'd bring one. And this seems like maybe such a silly little example, but I feel like when you think about the mental load, it's all of those teeny, tiny things that. Did my son remember his lunch? Oh, my daughter has soccer later. Did she pack her bag? Oh, did my husband remember he's got a dentist appointment? It's like, why am I even thinking about that? I don't know, but I am. And when I think about the mental load, I feel like it's the thought burden that we carry around with us. It's like those little things that all day long. Did this happen? Did that happen? Did I remember this? And I remember that. And that's the thing that can really be an energy drain.
[00:03:30] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:03:30] Speaker C: When we think about going through our daily life. Yes.
[00:03:33] Speaker B: Yes. And I think part of it is just a natural instinct for women in general to always have that mood and we're always worrying about somebody else. Why do you, why do you think that?
[00:03:42] Speaker C: Gosh, you know, it's funny. I really wish I could answer that question in a succinct way, but I'm going to tell a funny story.
[00:03:48] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:03:49] Speaker C: Because back, like, way back, I'm an 80s kid, grew up in the 80s, and there was a TV show called Roseanne.
[00:03:55] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:03:55] Speaker C: And Roseanne Barr is like a. She's very famous comedian at the time. And she did this bit, the stand up bit, and I think it was in some of her shows. And it was about, this is going to be funny. But it's about the vagina being a tracking device. Like how like the kids on the show would be like, mom, where's my son? Ask the husband, where's my wallet? She'd be like, what is my vagina tracking device? And you're like, oh, my gosh, like, it's hilarious, but it just feels like, how is it that I am the person that knows where the lost keys are and the random sock and whatever else it is? So I feel like that, like, funny bit of humor really kind of articulates what we are experiencing.
[00:04:35] Speaker B: Yes. Just like the way that our bed, my husband's bedroom, is as he sleeps closest to the door, my daughter will come in and go past him and walk around to the other side to me to wake me up to say, mommy, I can't sleep. I'm like, you just walked 20 extra steps and pass daddy.
[00:04:53] Speaker C: Why are.
[00:04:54] Speaker B: Why aren't you waking daddy up?
[00:04:56] Speaker C: And who knows if it's just the mom is the comfort or. You know, I've often thought, like. And we've talked about this a little in the prep. It was like, well, what is it? Is it that nurture? Is it, like, genetic? Are we genetically programmed to take this on? Or is it societal expectation? Or is it our own personal. I don't know. I'm a bit of a controller in the sense of, like, it's really. It's not like I want to be in charge of every little thing. It's that I want to know that all the things that I want accomplished are actually accomplished. And sometimes I feel like even, like, I feel like I've learned at work, like, how to delegate and how to manage these things. And at home and in your. Like, in your personal life, there's still that great big challenge that I think so many of us face, which is how do I. I delegate these things that are just buzzing my mind all the time.
[00:05:49] Speaker B: Yeah. So what do we do? Do you have ideas on that?
[00:05:52] Speaker C: I have some ideas. And, you know, one of the things for me is the calendar is everything.
[00:05:59] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:06:00] Speaker C: So I have young, younger children, not, like babies, but they're 11 and 12 even. They know if it's not on the calendar, it is not happening. And I'm not even talking about the big things like the birthday parties or the soccer games or the soccer practices. I'm talking about, oh, there's a field trip this day. There's a permission slip due. I mean, like, I also use my phone reminders as, like. Like, a little alarm. Like, I. I'll give you an example. So in where we live, there's a little classifieds group where moms, you know, set, buy and sell things. Well, I had agreed to buy a cookbook from a mom, and she's a mom who doesn't take a digital form of payment.
[00:06:39] Speaker B: So.
[00:06:39] Speaker C: No, Zelle or November, and I'm like, oh, my gosh. So what's just been added to my mental load is I have to find $5.
[00:06:45] Speaker B: Oh, gosh.
[00:06:47] Speaker C: Like, I mean, it's like crazy to think about, but these are the things that get in our head, right? And so I actually this morning put a reminder on my phone for Sunday night at 6:30pm because we're meeting Monday. Like, hey, bring $5 when you go to work in the morning, because otherwise there's not a chance. I remember to do that. And I think with the mental load that we carry, it's keeping track of all of these details. So for me, it's the calendar and reminders in my phone that are just really practical tips to stay organized. And then the other part of this that I wanted to talk about, which is like, kind of the. The mental load part is I often think about my spouse and how he and I manage things. And he's a great dad, he's super involved. But, like, remembering everything, it really still falls to me. It's almost like. And it's funny I use the work example again, but, like, it's almost like managing someone who works on your team, you still have it in your head what has to get done. For us, the big thing right now is we ended up buying a house that has a pool. And so in the summer, we use a pool service, but in the winter, it's really expensive to keep that going if. If it's not really necessary. So my husband promised that he would take on managing the pool, like, a huge deal. But you have to, like, get a little water, put it in a thing and take it to the store where they test it for you. And then when you're there, it's great because then they'll say, well, based on the results of this test, they'll give you whatever chemicals you need and tell you exactly what to. To do. However, it's me, like, every Saturday, like, hey, babe, happen to, you know, check that, you know, and you're like, it's like you're not trying to be a nag. He committed to do it so I don't have to do it. But it's still. That part of my brain is being occupied. So I haven't figured out how to solve that challenge. But I would really. You know, I think when you have a good spouse and you have open lines of communication, I think that's. That's really helpful.
[00:08:44] Speaker B: That's definitely helpful too. You know, I think it goes back to somebody was saying this and I Can't remember where I heard this or saw this, but, you know, back in caveman times, women were the hunter gatherers, and we. That's why we like to go shop and, like, find things. And. And I think also, too, we're in that. With that same mindset. We would organize things, and we would keep everything, like, all of our sticks and all of our, like, plants and everything organized and have to rem. To go to find those places. So maybe it's just a natural instinct that we have to, like, keep everything in order for our family, because if we didn't, then the spouse is not gonna find it. Right.
[00:09:23] Speaker C: I think that's a good point when you think about natural instinct, because something that I also think is natural. This is going to be crazy and sound maybe a little sexist, but it's like the dishes. Okay, let's talk about the kitchen. So it's like, when I think about. I don't love to cook. I cook because my family has to eat right? But I'm not what that's passionate about cooking. It's like, to me, a means to an end. So that's my approach to the kitchen. But, you know, the deal that we've struck at home and the kids are involved in this is that whoever cooks doesn't have to clean up. Now, what I've had to let go where relates back to my natural instinct is like, well, what if somebody, whoever, the husband or the kids, whoever's in charge of the dishes that day, doesn't do them when I want them to be done? What happens if they go outside or they do their homework or they sit on the couch and look at their phone, and I have to walk by the kitchen 12, 15 times, and it's like, I have to fight that natural instinct to do them, because otherwise I feel like all I would do is be cleaning up after everybody. And now do I want my kitchen filled with dirty dishes even for 20 minutes? I don't. I really don't. So my instinct would be, I'm gonna jump in, I'm gonna take care of it for them, and I'm just gonn. And maybe I'm going to be mad about it. Maybe I'm going to bang the dishes around and create some chaos at home, because, you know, but then I really. I. This is a huge discipline for me. It's like, I have to. I just. I actually go upstairs. I walk, like, completely away. I light a candle. If, like, I grilled something and there's, like, a smell of food, I'm Like, I just light a candle. Because those are things that just help me manage my own life and my own priorities is I worked all day, right? And I'm trying to spend time with the kids and I'm trying to live my own life and maybe read a book or something, right? And if I'm constantly doing what the family contract says that I don't have to do, then I'm just, like, defeating that purpose and almost defeating myself, right? Because we all need a break from not just the mental load, but just the load of life. It's crazy out there.
[00:11:30] Speaker B: It is crazy out there. And you know what popped into my head when you mentioned the dishes and the situation, and it's driving you crazy. It's like, is it good for your mental health and your mental load for you to just go ahead and do the dishes because then you're not crazy anymore, or do you need to be disciplined and go and light that candle and go and take a walk and go and read that book? Which is the better of the two? You're not going to be crazy anymore if you just go ahead and take care of it. But if you stop and wait and let somebody else do it because it was their responsibility, you're allowing your family member to fulfill their agreement. I feel like both of them are hard, and I feel like both of them could be lightening that mental load, just depending on how you look at it, I guess.
[00:12:09] Speaker C: I think you're. I think you are right about that. And I think something. I think what I think about when I hear you say that is that time is a finite resource, whether you think about it in terms of the day or in terms of the week. So for me, like, when I think about, oh, should I jump in? And I'm not saying I never do, I sometimes I will, just because it's a day that it's like, well, we're gonna have company that night or something. My mother's coming over. It's like, well, if this doesn't get done right now, I think I might, you know, throw myself off the bridge, right? Like. And I can certainly empathize with that feeling because I have it more often than I don't. I gu. But I think all. When I think about my time, it's like, well, I need. And I think moms forget this, right? I think I need time to just reflect on the day or lay on the couch and pet my dog or go for a walk or call a friend. And I think those things are also important. When you think about lightening the mental load. You know, you and I speak a lot in our regular lives about community, right. And how important community is. And you think, how does community relate to the dishes? Well, in this way, when you think about time as the finite resource, maybe you can call your friend while you're doing the dishes, but maybe you just want to take a walk, right? Or maybe you want to do something else. I think it's finding that balance of taking care of yourself. Because when you take care of yourself, whatever that looks like, then you're also managing that mental load. It's like you have to take those deep breaths and detox a little bit or do the brain dump on a piece of paper, like just get everything out. But you can't do that and the dishes at the same time. So I think each, each day or each moment, it's that prioritization of what is most important to me right now. And that's, I think, you know, something that's in the ethos right now is that let them idea. Yes, yes, right. And so it's like, I think about that, which I think is a really interesting concept, especially if you're fighting codependency and things like you have to let them do what they need to do. But I also think I have to let myself do what I need to do, you know, And I was thinking that recently because my husband brought a kid home from soccer practice and it was my son and it was late and he was hungry again, even though he had dinner. But it was like, soccer's really hard. So my husband, he did the carpool, did the thing, which was great. He comes home, flops on the couch, and then my son is like, mom, I need some food, I need this. And I'm like, oh my gosh, okay. I love my son. I want him to eat. Of course, right.
I'm in the kitchen making dinner, but really in that moment, like I'm an early bird. Like, come 8:30, I'm winding down, the kitchen is closed. So I really think that all of us, like, I have to let myself be the mom in that moment. And then I also have to let them, you know, when it's their time to do the dishes. Do the dishes.
[00:14:56] Speaker B: Yeah, that is a really good point also too. And I just, I was thinking about this when we were talking about you have to make time for yourself. And I think women do this and I'm seeing it in my 9 year old daughter as well. So usually my time to reflect and stare off and like, do my thinking, I guess is in the shower. Some people do it in the shower. They do walking. Like, I just love to just stand in the shower and enjoy the hot water and just think. I think my daughter's doing that too. Because last night before bed, I said, okay, you need to go take a shower. You need to get ready for bed. And I said, if you want to watch a little bit more tv, you need to make it a short one. Well, she gets up in the shower, and like 20 minutes later, she comes down, she goes, mommy, I just don't think I can take short showers. She said, I just get in there and I just get so, you know, into the water and the sound and all of that. And so I think even at her young age, she's learning how to enjoy that moment. And I think sometimes along the way, we forget about how to enjoy that moment, too, which helps us with that mental load of just enjoying that. And our phones and all the distractions take away from all those things. So I guess my roundabout thing is saying that if. If we really want to get away from a lot of these distractions and a lot of these mental load, we just need to pause and take a minute. No matter if it's taking a shower or calling your friend or doing the dishes and calling your friend at the same time. There's many ways to do that and let them let others do their thing, too. There's no judgment with the way that people do their thing as well.
[00:16:28] Speaker C: I love the thought that you shared about your daughter. It's funny because my daughter has also been taking long showers, and she and I actually chatted about it yesterday, and I said, what are you, like, what are you doing in there? She says, I am just relaxing. Yes. And, you know, it's really, like, kind of front in my. Front of my thoughts in my mind as we're talking. It's like we are so distracted. Even the kids are distracted. Right. And to be in that place, like, the shower is such a great example because it's like, well, no one's distracting you in the shower, especially if you lock the door. Right? You're. Yeah.
[00:16:58] Speaker B: If you take your phone in there, unless it's in, like, a waterproof package.
[00:17:02] Speaker C: Or something, really, that time that I think we all need, whether it's in the shower or just sitting on the couch or whatever it is, but like that just. Okay, can I put the screen down? Can I let my mind just experience and take a walk of where it wants to go? Right. And have those thoughts that we all need to think about? Our life and about where we're going in our future and, you know, all of the things.
[00:17:23] Speaker B: Yeah, it's a really great place, if any. Nobody has tried it out. Definitely try to get in the shower and just zone.
So let's get back into maybe some action items that maybe some of our listeners or maybe ideas. You talked about writing things down and doing a brain dump and we talked about community. Do you want to dive into any other of these things or any other suggestions that you have for helping with that mental load and unloading it?
[00:17:51] Speaker C: Yeah, I think we covered some things on the practical side, using the calendar, using reminders. I mean, I use like an alarm clock as the reminder. Not just like a pop up, but like it actually makes noise. So I don't think I said that earlier, but that's really helpful because then I can't do it right that minute I hit the snooze button like you would on your alarm clock. Then it gives me time, like, oh, I was gonna. Like, my example was the $5, right? I don't have $5. I don't ever carry cash. So I really have to like hit the snooze button and go scrounge to the kids room, right, to find $5. But that's why, like, the alarm is helpful, because I try and set them in those moments where I think I won't be distracted, but even if I am, it's like a reminder of like. Like I'll sometimes hear my phone going off from the other room and I'll be like, oh, God, what did I forget? And it's so funny because when I look at the pop up of, in this example, getting the $5 for the cookbook, it's like, oh my gosh, I'm. It's like I say thank you to myself from three days ago, right? Because it helped me that day, because I never would have remembered. Oh, that's a good point. And I really try and like, say, like, even when it seems so silly to set those alarms, but like, as I'm setting them, I try and be like, you know what? You're gonna love yourself for doing this three days from now that you won't forget. You won't be in that position where you get somewhere and you know, this is $5 for the cookbook. It's not like life or death. But like, what if it's like a paper for your kids school or something important? Like, I do it to like, remember to call my friends on their birthdays, like set an alarm for like my lunchtime, like 12 o'clock and maybe put a little note on my calendar plus a reminder. Like even if I don't have time to call them, at least say a text, right? Because it's. Yeah, I love my friends, I love my family, right? But it's like in the day to day of the mental load, you don't always remember April 29th is Kim's birthday. Right? Like when it's April 29th, like you kind of know that in like the theory of how space works. But you wake up and it's Thursday and you're running carpool and someone calls and there's a sick kid and the dentist office is calling, right? It's like all these things. It's like you don't remember. So that's why I always think of like setting those reminders even though they might feel tedious. It's like a gift to your future.
[00:20:00] Speaker B: Yes. That is such a great way to put it. And I didn't think about it that way, but yeah, absolutely. Setting those reminders. And I'm a big writer too. I like to write things down. I used to have a handwritten planner and then I got into a job where everything was on like a Google calendar. And then I got into the habit of using Google. That's a great way to stay on top of your schedule too. For sure.
Do you do like a family? Well, you've mentioned earlier the calendar, so I'm assuming the family has like a shared calendar where everybody can input.
[00:20:31] Speaker C: We do. My guys, my guys are pretty little, so they can't really put it themselves. But yes, I think for older kids they can. And you know, as they get their own calendars, I'm going to want to teach them how to manage that and add to the spreadsheet. My son who the spreadsheet to the calendar. My son who is like, he likes to like understand what's happening. He's asked us to actually put the family calendar on his phone because he wants to be able to see like, like, well, what time is my soccer game on Saturday? Is it. Do I have to wake up early or do I not have to wake up early? It's like, well, could I have a sleepover? Like, he's already thinking about those things, which I think is really, that's good. It's like a sweet little personality. But he's thinking, well, if I have a soccer game Saturday morning at 9, I probably don't want to do a sleepover Friday night because it's like it's going to distract Me, you know, he's a soccer guy, so that's, like, important that he's like, at his best, you know, when he gets to the game. But I do love that idea of, like, teaching the kids. Like, my kids knew from when they were 5, 6, 7, like, it has to be on the calendar. This is like, super, super important because we're busy and we're going in a lot of different directions.
[00:21:35] Speaker B: Yeah, that's a. That's awesome. We have an iPad that sits in the kitchen, and I just have like a family Google Gmail calendar. I created like a. Just a silly Gmail account for the family to use, and then I'll put things on it and it sits there. And my husband's a pilot, so his schedule is never the same, so we don't know when he's gonna be home or when he's gonna to be here. And so all of that is on the schedule and it's been great. My daughter, we're working a little bit on being organized for her. She's not the most organized, but we're working on it and handwriting things down for her too. But she does like to visually look at it because it keeps her brain in check.
[00:22:08] Speaker C: And I. I think, you know, in our digital age, there's. This is lost. It's a little bit of a lost art. But I am a big believer in, like, the hand brain connection when you actually write things down. I find that for me, like, if I'm in a meeting at work and I'm taking notes that it' sticks in my mind in a way that it doesn't always. If I type them down or even now there's these great, like, read AI and these tools that you can have during your meetings that'll send you a synopsis. Oh, my gosh, those are amazing. Are you using.
[00:22:38] Speaker B: Yes, they're Game changer.
[00:22:40] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh. We should have done a whole other episode about the advantages of AI and really how it can help lessen the mental load. I mean, there's so.
[00:22:50] Speaker B: Yeah, there is a whole topic there too. We definitely. Maybe that's season three. Maybe we dig into that in season three for the Mom Collective.
You've shared some really great details and tips and information on this, but what are some signs we want to talk about really quickly about? Maybe some signs where maybe we're getting too much. Like what you feel that overload, I think where you feel like you're just kind of like burst. What can you do? Take a walk. Right. But what are some signs that we can look for before we get to that moment where we're going to burst.
[00:23:24] Speaker C: Sure. I think that's a great question and something we should definitely talk about. You know, I'm gonna go back to, like, the dishes exam.
[00:23:30] Speaker B: Yeah, okay.
[00:23:31] Speaker C: Right. So I feel like, for me, okay, knocking the dishes out one time when it's someone else's job because your brain is gonna explode or you just feel like you have to, that's one thing. But I do think when you continue to do that at the expense of your own, I'm gonna say mental health. But I feel like sometimes that term gets like a bad rap. It's like my mental health suffers if I feel anxiety or if I feel anger. Right. Or if I'm having these emotions. So it's like, well, how do I avoid feeling those things, those emotions that come along with the mental load? Because let's face it, we're used to handling a lot. We are. So I find, to me, if I start to feel emotionally some kind of way that is harmful. Like, and again, I'm not talking about, like, self harm. I'm just saying, like, if I start to feel that feeling, like, oh, my goodness, this is driving me crazy. Right in your. You're starting to escalate. To me, that's like a great sign to, like, take a step back and if you can start to manage it at that point, like, for me, again, the dishes, it's like, I'm going to walk by that and be like, you know what? I could let this drive me crazy, or I can go in the other room and take a shower, go outside and take a walk. I can go on the porch and call my friend. Right? It's in those moments and you say, you know, I'm not going to let that get to me. You know what? My husband's a late night guy. 97% of the time, he does the dishes before I wake up in the morning. And so I've had to learn to just rely on. Just take the deep breath and deal with that. And I think if and when. Because when it is when we all get to that point where we're like, crazy. To me, that is like, let's disengage. It's almost like if you are in a conversation with someone that gets heated, for me, a good guardrail for that is that if I start to really feel my emotions ramping up, I try and say, hey, let's hit the pause button on this. Yeah, I don't want to say something I regret. And I think when it Comes to our mental load. It's. I don't want to feel something I'm going to regret. I don't want to emotionally be in a place that's going to put me in a bad mood for the rest of the night or the rest of the week. I mean, because, you know, this craziness could get us off track for three days straight. Oh, sure. Oh, you didn't do the dishes and then you wake up and you remember last night you said you would. I mean, these things can't. Can really talk about adding to your mental load. Right. They can really take us down a path where most of us don't want to live. We don't want to live in that place of frustration.
[00:26:01] Speaker B: Not at all. It's definitely a domino effect.
[00:26:03] Speaker C: It can affect.
[00:26:04] Speaker B: I mean, it can affect everything.
So I think taking a pause, you have to tell yourself to take a pause on yourself. Right? That's. That's the hard part. Sometimes telling ourselves and listening to ourselves is harder than listening to somebody else, I think.
[00:26:17] Speaker C: Oh, for sure. A friend of my husband's, he has a funny saying. He says, you need to take a break from yourself.
[00:26:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:26:23] Speaker C: He said that to his wife. They've been married like 40 years. I'm like, oh, you say that to her when she's up here. You better watch your sister.
Okay, I see where he's coming from. Like, we do. We have to take a break from ourselves.
[00:26:36] Speaker B: But how do we take a break from ourselves? That's. I mean, go back to the.
[00:26:40] Speaker C: It's gotta. It's like taking a break from those places inside that. That want to drive us crazy, want us to escalate. And I think I have to say, well, I'm going to take a break from that emotion. I'm going to take a break from that feeling.
[00:26:52] Speaker B: From that emotion.
[00:26:53] Speaker C: I'm taking a break. I don't want to feel angry. I don't think many of us want to feel angry. Right. But we can easily get to anger when we're carrying a mental load, when we're not letting people help us, when we're trying to do too much. So it's like, okay, let's take a break. Right. I don't need. I don't need to feel.
[00:27:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:27:11] Speaker C: I don't need to go down that path.
[00:27:13] Speaker B: Yeah. And it can be hard to. It can be hard to pause, But I think it might take a little bit of practice. But I guess the more you practice, the better you get at it. Right. So just try to.
[00:27:22] Speaker C: Try to take that and Getting to the pause earlier. Like, to me, if I'm at 10. No, I'm not pausing.
[00:27:28] Speaker B: You're not.
[00:27:29] Speaker C: I'm just shouting. I mean, I'm just yelling and banging around and.
[00:27:32] Speaker B: That's a good point.
[00:27:33] Speaker C: I'm already at 10. It's done the time for pausing for me. Maybe people can get to a 10, 10 and still take a break. I've got to 10. Everybody better look out because mama's on the war path. I'm not great at it. I don't do it all the time. Right. But in trying to get to that pause, when you're like, at a seven approaching an eight, it's like, oh, okay, pump the brakes.
[00:27:53] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:27:53] Speaker C: Let's. Can we turn on this one?
[00:27:55] Speaker B: Can we revisit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we've talked about a lot and we're getting to the end of our time here, but is there anything else? If we could leave our listeners with just one piece of advice, what would it be? Or if. Or maybe if that's too big, Is there anything else that we need to be sure to mention?
[00:28:15] Speaker C: Yeah, I did want to mention when it comes to partners, you know, not everyone is fortunate to share their life with a partner. Right. When I fully acknowledge that. But I think when you have a partner or someone, I mean, well, I also say, like, in the military, you were in the military, you were military wife for a while, and your partner's away. It's like, well, you have one, but. But it's still you. Yeah. I think, though, in that situation, or when you have a partner who's at home on the reg on a regular basis, explaining to them not just, like, why we need those people to do tasks, but explain the toll it takes on you when you're carrying that mental load. I think it's funny to kind of link it back to your intimate relationship. Right. Which is like, hey, and, you know, guys might want to laugh at that. And some women may laugh at that, but, like, I have to explain to my spouse, like, hey, when you help me, you're not just helping me. Even that term, sometimes I find fault with. It's like, no, you're in this family as much as I am. You made these kids as much as I did. Right. But it's like when you contribute to the family, when you do the pool without being asked, it helps me relax, which helps us have a closer relationship, which leads to a more intimate experience in our marriage. Right. And I think just sometimes being able to have that conversation in a way, when you're not escalated. You guys are having a cup of coffee or you're going out to dinner. Whenever it is driving in the car somewhere, Right. To just be able to like chat about some of these things that. That have to get done. Yeah, it's really important.
[00:29:47] Speaker B: That is really important. I'm glad that you brought that up because I feel like that if you. As long as you have those expectations there, that can really help because sometimes the spouse has no clue and they don't. They don't have. At least for men, or at least most men. And I don't want to generalize everybody, but they just don't have that intuition. I think sometimes that it could affect somebody else. So. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for being here today. I think that we've talked about a lot. I know I've learned a lot. I know our listeners. My listeners have learned a lot. If anybody has ideas or questions, certainly send them over to me. The Remote Mom Collective. My email, I just changed it. I think it's thereemote.mom. it's gmail.com, something like that. I'll make sure it's in the show notes. I just changed it. But if anybody wants to get in touch with you, can they connect with you on LinkedIn or.
[00:30:41] Speaker C: Yes, LinkedIn is a great place to find me and yeah, I'd love to connect and chat about the mental load or anything about building community. I think this has been so fun. Thank you again for having me.
[00:30:50] Speaker B: Yes, thank you for being here. As we say here on the Remote Mom Collective, being different makes a difference. So let's support and inspire each other. Thanks so much, everybody.
