Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: You're listening to the remote mom collective podcast, where moms can find their stride in the remote work world. Whether you currently work remotely or you want to, you're in the right place.
I'm Brittany the remote mom, and I've been working remotely since 2007. I became a mom in 2015, and there's a lot to learn. Together, we'll support, inspire, and empower each other on our journey to balance work, life, and motherhood from the comfort of our own homes or wherever we're working remotely. Together, let's redefine what it means to be a working mom. Let's support and inspire each other.
[00:00:46] Speaker B: Hello, everybody. I am Brittany the remote mom. Welcome to the remote mom collective podcast. I am here today with Victoria Orton. Right. Did I pronounce that correctly, your last name?
[00:00:58] Speaker C: You did. You did.
[00:00:59] Speaker B: Awesome. I'm here with Victoria today, and we're going to be talking about the importance of building communities.
Victoria is a military spouse, and so she and I definitely have connected that way, and community keeps coming up in a lot of the episodes that I have recorded recently with other guests. And building a community can be really hard, and we as military spouses, know that we have that challenge every time we move. But even if you're not a military spouse or you move a lot because of other job responsibilities or other family responsibilities, you know how hard it can be when you move to a new location and try to find friends that support all of that. So before we jump into the topic, Victoria, I'll just turn it over to you and let you just introduce yourself really quickly, and we can dive right in.
[00:01:51] Speaker C: Yeah, well, so I've spent the better part of the last decade overseas, and I would really say that the majority of what I've done is a lot of community engagement. It's a lot of public relations, but it's a lot of facilitating. Community building is probably my top priority. And it was so funny, because when we moved back to the states about eight or nine months ago, I wasn't expecting the landscape of working mothers and just job hunting in general to have changed so drastically. And I've found, especially in the community that we're in right now, which isn't necessarily focused on my husband's military career.
The skills that I have acquired over the last decade have come in incredibly handy and really prepared me to be able to engage with people from all walks of life, which is. Which is, I think, something that everybody needs, you know?
Yeah. I think it's so important to be able to make yourself a network, a security blanket, if you will. You know, and especially as women, I feel like it is so important. We are, we are, we are community based. I feel like creatures and what a blessing it is when you have people you can share life with that you genuinely love, you know, so that's something that I'm incredibly passionate about.
[00:03:35] Speaker B: So when you, because you mentioned, and that's interesting how the landscape has changed within the last ten years. So when you left ten years ago, what is the biggest difference that you see?
[00:03:47] Speaker C: So it really has shifted to. And it's a good thing, right. It's shifted way more to an online platform. There is a lot more automation going on. There is a lot more networking processes that have to go on that people are not necessarily within your community any longer. It is a lot bigger. It is a lot bigger. And luckily I love talking to people.
Luckily I love networking. But not everybody is that way. Not everybody likes that. Not everybody can engage in the ways that I can. And so it was just staggering to come back and be like, okay, well, now we need to reevaluate and figure out how do we connect with people differently to be in the spaces that I can affect change in the way that I want to. And so that's been a learning process.
I actually had a meeting with somebody the other day and I equated it to feeling like a baby giraffe on googly legs. You know, it was like I'm having to learn how to walk all over again and a lot of these ways. And, you know, I go by the adage of very, very upfrontly showing you who I am, very being very genuine.
[00:05:09] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:10] Speaker C: And because I truly do believe that people learn through somebody else's struggle. And if I can help anybody kind of navigate this world and feel a little bit more confident in their own abilities, that's what I want to do.
But I do think that's where community comes in, is bridging those gaps, you.
[00:05:30] Speaker B: Know, do you think that it was more in person connections and actually physically going places and like handing your resume to a manager or showing up than it is now? Whereas now it's like you can build your brand on LinkedIn.
[00:05:45] Speaker C: Yes. Yeah, absolutely.
Beforehand, the majority of. Of I felt like getting into the right spaces was, you know, you knew the right people or you had people in those spaces already and you could, you could call them up and be like, hey, you know, this is what I, what I'm thinking, or this is the project that I'm trying to work on and I would love your input. Do you have anybody that you might know that might be able to do that, and there is still some of that, obviously, but it's just a different platform, you know, and it's being able to put yourself out there. It's being able to connect over Facebook groups. It's finding the right LinkedIn groups to get into.
It is being able to message somebody and say, hi, this is where I want to be. Either you are in that space already or you are doing what I want to be doing. Can you break it down for me? Do you have any advice? These are spaces that a lot of people have to get comfortable in, and I know a lot of people aren't. I know that. And it's hard to put yourself out there. It is so important, though, to be able to reach out and find people who can put you in the right communities.
[00:06:59] Speaker B: Yeah, there's. That's. You said something really interesting before I asked you the question and kind of went the other way. But you mentioned that you can help somebody if they've gone through a similar, or you've gone through something similar, and they can see that in you. And I think one of the things that is so powerful is authenticity and vulnerability. And I've talked about this on other episodes as well. But there is power in that vulnerable space. Even though you feel powerless in, you know, coming forward and saying, I'm laying everything down, there is power in that.
I'll just give a quick example. Yesterday, I went, I was. I was creating some work videos for a training program. I'm building a department at work, and I'm doing a training program. And I was watching the videos yesterday morning, and I was like, oh, my gosh, I look horrible. Look at the rolls. Look at, you know, look at how big I look in those jeans. Like, oh, my gosh, I'm terrible. And I was being so ugly to myself. And I'm like, I'm not going to go to my workout class today. I'd rather just sit and wallow in my.
In my whatever. And my workout place has a Facebook group for our members. And I don't know a lot of these ladies. Like, I see them in class, but I don't really connect the dots when we're in the Facebook group, right? Cause most of the time we have our hair up, we have no makeup on, we're running in to work out, and then we run out, or at least I do.
And I thought, you know what? Cause I ended up going to class. Like, I made myself go to a class yesterday. It's a 45 minutes class, I went in and it kicked my butt. But after I got done with the class, I was like, you know what?
Six months ago, before I started coming here, I wouldn't have been able to make it through this class. And even though I can't physically see it or a video always adds. And when we look at ourselves, too, we're so judgmental.
[00:08:57] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:08:58] Speaker B: I was proud of myself for making time for myself. And then I thought, you know what? I bet there's somebody else in this group that probably feel the same way. So I posted in that Facebook group, and I don't usually post in that Facebook group. And I said, just putting this out there, I felt really horrible this morning. I was telling myself ugly things, but I came to class, I made myself do it. And after I was done, I was so proud of myself and the amount of support that people started. One lady said, this is the most influential thing I've seen on Facebook in such a long time. Thank you for your vulnerability. And then more people kept commenting saying, I felt the same way. I felt the same way. And so right then, in that one, like, small communication, and I was crying a little bit when I was writing it, and it felt like a good. I felt like I connected with some of these people so that when I see them in class, we'll be even more connected.
[00:09:56] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that is such a huge part of building communities, isn't it?
[00:10:01] Speaker B: Like, absolutely.
[00:10:02] Speaker C: Being able to be vulnerable with people. Because there's an adage that I love, and it says, change is inevitable, growth is a choice.
And, yeah, I love that because the reality is, is this too shall pass. Whether you gain weight, whether you lose weight, whether you get new makeup, whether your skin clears up, whether you get that job, these things will pass. Your choice to grow through it is yours and yours alone. And if you think you're. If you think you're on this path by yourself, you are not.
And I think there's something really great about knowing that you are not the first one to do this, and you will not be the last. And there are people who are struggling exactly like you are. And there are people that will gain so much from your struggle if you have the courage to share it, if you have the courage to mentor the people who are going to come after you, because that is what it is. It's mentoring. And I think as women, we downplay a lot of our achievements. We downplay a lot of our goals, personal and professional, in motherhood, in early marriage, we downplay so much of this as well. This is just part of life, which it is like, don't get me wrong, but let's not discount the validity of mentoring somebody else through those problems, because for you, it might have been just a little stumbling block for somebody else that might be a mountain.
And those baby steps that you have figured out how to do over the years that you just think it's just something you figured out.
I've discovered along the way that a lot of times when you mention, well, this is how I handled this. And thinking offhand, comment, whatever, I will have somebody come back later and be like, I am so glad that you shared that. I'm so glad that you walked me through this process, because I was really stuck and I didn't know what else to do.
And we're just not as alone as I think we trick ourselves into thinking we are.
[00:12:16] Speaker B: Yeah.
Yes. I agree with that. And I also think, too, that. That we have the ability to be a mentor based on our own experiences, but we don't feel it's that imposter syndrome. Well, yes. Why do I get to be a mentor?
[00:12:33] Speaker C: Yes.
That has been on my mind so much, because when I got back in these spaces, I was like, well, the first thing I need is a mentor.
I need somebody to help me guide through this, you know? And, um, in a lot of these spaces. And I actually was told by. By one of the women that I reached out to, she was like, why are you not. Why are you not on the other side of this? I was just like, I don't know. I don't really feel qualified in these spaces. I was like, I don't feel qualified. And. And, you know, at the root of that, it is. It is not feeling like I have the authority in these spaces, that I have the know how. And it was such an eye opening thing because she was like, victoria, where do you think. How do you think I got here? She's like, do you think I all of a sudden said, I've reached it. I have. I'm at the pinnacle, and I just need to pass on this knowledge? She's like, no. I put myself in these situations because where I'm at right now is somewhere where I'm still on this journey, but I can help somebody get to this point.
[00:13:39] Speaker B: That is so good, because you're right. Like, I don't. I've always wondered that, like, people who have called themselves mentors, and I've. I guess if I think about it, I have mentored people and didn't really realize that that's what it was. That's what I was doing.
But I love that idea that you don't have to be the expert in it. You can be along the way. You just have the experience in it already and you're sharing your knowledge.
[00:14:04] Speaker C: Exactly. I just thought that was so powerful because this is a woman who is, she is leading, like, one of the biggest nonprofits in DC, and I'm like, if she's feeling the same way I'm feeling.
[00:14:19] Speaker B: Yes, yes.
[00:14:22] Speaker C: It's like, okay, all right. I think we all just need to give ourselves a little bit of grace here, you know?
[00:14:27] Speaker B: Absolutely. Now, you said that you are working on a project right now, right. You have your work. Tell me a little bit about that.
[00:14:35] Speaker C: Well, it has kind of transformed a lot over the last couple of months. You know, one of, one of the biggest things I have kind of found moving back here is, again, that gap in understanding where are we going with a lot of this employment opportunities, especially for military spouses. But just for anybody who wants to work, remote is, the information is primarily online now.
That is the primary platform right now. LinkedIn has a lot of information, and there's a lot of other organizations that basically work almost exclusively with LinkedIn. And there's a lot of resources. But unless you are within that community, you do not know.
[00:15:27] Speaker B: Right.
[00:15:27] Speaker C: You know what I mean? You don't know. You don't have access. And so what I would really love to do is kind of along those same lines of what you're doing, but really geared towards military spouses in those communities where we move so frequently, I want to have access to not only their stories, their vulnerabilities, but also for resources for people, you know, so it's in the works. And actually, my sister is an army chaplain, and so we have, we have kind of where we're in the process of taping a few episodes to try to kind of just add value where we can. Right. We're not experts, but we would love to be able to help people along the way.
[00:16:15] Speaker B: I love that so much, and I have so many connections that I want to make sure that you have access to after. Yeah, we'll talk about that after we're done here. But, yeah, there's. Because I actually started a blog back in 2015, I think that was all about that remote jobs, because that was when I had my daughter and I was looking for daycare and all that kind of, there wasn't really a whole lot of information, and then that turned into a podcast that I did with another military spouse for a couple years, and then I just started connecting with multiple different people.
So I'll share with you all of the things that I know, and then hopefully we can make some couch loves there. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. Are you ready to share the name of it or anything yet, or is it still in process, still working?
[00:17:03] Speaker C: It's still in the process. I think we have a name, but we are hashing it out currently. Yeah.
[00:17:09] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:17:10] Speaker C: Well, whenever you're ready, as soon as I get it. Yes, I'll let you know. But, yes, as soon as we have hit that play button, I will send it to you because, yeah, it'll be fun. Me and my sister have a ton of fun together, and so it'll be really laid back.
I love authenticity is what I really love. And I love being able to connect people with just genuine resources, genuine people. We want to build like minded communities, you know?
[00:17:40] Speaker B: Right, right. That's. Yes, absolutely. I love that.
So do you think because you were gone overseas for so long, were you involved in volunteer or, like, you were volunteering? Oh, is that how you got.
[00:17:53] Speaker C: Okay, so actually, I built a program while I was overseas.
[00:17:57] Speaker B: Oh, okay.
[00:17:58] Speaker C: For spouses.
So there's not a whole lot of infrastructure for families when you go overseas. And what we were seeing was we were having so many families either. Either completely separated because they couldn't figure out how to logistically get everybody overd with all of the medical requirements. And it's easier for these guys to just be like, well, put them on deferred orders. They can just stay in the states, and you come out here and you do your job for three years, and then you can go back home.
And obviously, that's not good for families. It's not good for marriages, it's not good for parenting, and it is not good for command teams, honestly, because if your soldiers are constantly worried about their families back at home, how are they going to be ready for any missions whatsoever, you know? And so what started out as anger for what I had gone through and what other people had gone through kind of transformed into this really beautiful process where we were able to identify families that were coming over there more than a year out, and we were able to connect them with people in Italy who were in, like, family situations, and so they could advise them on what they needed to do. And then myself and two other spouses, we were able to kind of connect the dots with medical teams, with logistics teams, with moving their household goods and their cars and trying to get them to the right people. But again, it was. It was very much a community building thing. You know, we were. We were connecting all over the states, all over the european footprint, just finding these people who. Who could help, you know?
[00:19:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:52] Speaker C: And then once they got in country, we would meet everybody. And, you know, we had a newcomers brief. We made sure they had hotels, made sure they had transportation, and then we connected them with resources within the community to get acclimated. Because, again, building your support system is no easy task. And that was really the most important thing to me, is that these women understood.
It comes before unpacking your boxes. It comes before making sure your husband has a home cooked meal.
You know what I mean? I was like, go, friend date. I know, I know. It's hard. It's against everything you've ever heard about being wife and being. I know, I know. Especially in these spaces. I was like, but you got six months. You got six months to build these relationships and to find your people. And my biggest advice is you go friend date, and you.
And you figure out what works for you and what doesn't. And if it doesn't click, you let it go and you find someone else. You do not sit there. You don't try to force things. And it is not. It's not a problem. There's no issue there. You just move on, you know? And I cannot tell you how many people were like, thank you, thank you. Because I think a lot of us are waiting for permission to do that. You know, people want a reason to not be friends with so and so. And it's like, listen, you got six months. You have a timer, and if you don't click, it's done. Move on. We're not. We're not trying to force something, because the reality is, isdev, when you're alone in another country and your husband is gone and your kids are sick at 03:00 in the morning, you need a group of friends that you can say, hey, I have not slept in 48 hours, and there's vomit on my floor. Please help me.
[00:21:52] Speaker B: Yes. I mean, even if you're not in another country, right? Yes. Yes. We all need that.
[00:21:58] Speaker C: That's a little extreme. I know.
[00:21:59] Speaker B: That's a great point, though. Yeah. And I love the idea of the friend date. I actually had been, like, thinking about that, too, because I'm like, there has to be speed dating to meet friends. I know there's a couple of apps out there, and they're great, but, like, in my experience, I've tried the app. There's an app called Peanut, which is wonderful, but in my experience, I mean, I'm in my forties. The most of the moms that were on there were in their early twenties and, like, mid twenties. Not that there's that I couldn't have fun, but it was just. It was hard for me to relate to some of the moms on there.
But I have thought about the idea of, like, brand dating. I think that sounds super cool, abs.
[00:22:39] Speaker C: So. So I really, I tell people, you like sewing, go find a sewing club. And then you go be weird. And you say, this is my number and I would love to have lunch with you.
[00:22:51] Speaker B: Yes. You have to be the first. I always say you have to be the first because sometimes somebody else is not going to do it. I stop calling cards that have my name on it. This was before. This was like 2009, I had calling cards and I would hand it out to people.
[00:23:06] Speaker C: Yep. I am a big believer that. Listen, I get it. It is scary. I understand that. What is the worst that's going to happen? They're just not going to call you.
Okay, well, guys, it'll be okay. I promise there will be. For every person who doesn't call you, there are going to be people who do, because you are not the only one that needs that. You are not the only one that needs that community.
And I just think, like, it's within every realm, right? You like to work out, go join a workout group. You have young kids, go find where they do play dates, go. I mean, there is just so many opportunities for us. Most communities have free classes within their libraries for pottery or for sewing or, you know, X, Y and Z. There is a ton of groups out there. And I get it. It is hard. But I would really encourage you that if you are missing that community aspect in your life, it is hard being lonely and you have to pick your hard, you know, it is hard making friends, but it is really hard being lonely. So, you know, I would encourage you that if that is the struggle and if those are the two choices, I would really encourage you to put yourself out there, even if it's just once, and it will get easier, you know?
And you are not the only one that needs that. You are not the only one that needs that. So that would be my advice to anybody who's going through that is you find a group that interests you, who has, like, commonalities with you, and you dive in headfirst.
[00:24:39] Speaker B: I love that. That's such a great way because we're out of time, too. So that was the perfect, like, ending to this episode. So thank you so much, Victoria, for being on the podcast today. It's been a pleasure to talk with you, and I'm excited to learn more about everything else you have going on.
[00:24:56] Speaker C: I was. I'm so thankful that you had me on. I really appreciate it.
[00:25:00] Speaker B: Yes. Now if anybody wants to get in touch with you is Instagram. Are you on LinkedIn?
[00:25:05] Speaker C: Like, where would be a great way on LinkedIn.
Victoria Orton, go ahead and look me up. But we are, again, we're in the process of. I'm going to have a new Instagram and Facebook and all of that. That should be out actually later this month, so.
[00:25:22] Speaker B: Oh, sweet. By the time this episode airs, actually, it probably will be. I'll be able to add it to the show notes. So the timing is great.
[00:25:30] Speaker C: Perfect. This was all serendipitous. This was all serendipitous.
[00:25:34] Speaker B: I don't believe in coincidences. I really don't, so. All right, everybody, well, thanks for listening today. Go give Victoria a follow on on LinkedIn, and we'll be sure to update the show notes with all of her updated information for her new initiative that she has coming out very soon. As we say here on the remote mom collective, being different makes a difference. So let's support and inspire each other. Thanks, everybody.
