Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] You're listening to the remote mom collective podcast, where moms can find their stride in the remote work world. Whether you currently work remotely or you want to, you're in the right place.
[00:00:15] I'm Brittany the remote mom, and I've been working remotely since 2007. I became a mom in 2015, and there's a lot to learn. Together, we'll support, inspire, and empower each other on our journey to balance work, life, and motherhood from the comfort of our own homes or wherever we're working remotely. Together, let's redefine what it means to be a working mom. Let's support and inspire each other.
[00:01:00] Hi, and welcome to another episode of the Remote mom collective podcast. I am Brittany the remote mom, and I'm so glad to talk to you. Today, we are going to be talking about finding community and building connections as a remote mom and the importance of having that community. That's become a topic that keeps coming up each time that we bring on a guest and talk to that guest. The.
[00:01:25] The need for community, especially as a woman, is something that is definitely needed and something that we thrive on. We love talking about our feelings for the most part, and we bounce ideas off each other, and we really support each other. And if you don't have that in person support, then it can be really, really, really difficult, especially for those who have been remote for so long. And you're just used to being by yourself. You kind of forget the importance of having. Having that real human connection. And so I kind of wanted to dig into that episode or to that topic in today's episode. We only have a couple of more episodes for our first season of the remote mom collective podcast. This has been so fun. I'm probably going to do about 20 episodes per season and take a little bit of a break in between, but the amount of support and guests and it's just been really wonderful. And I'm so glad to be able to bring this podcast to other remote moms and other moms who want to be remote.
[00:02:30] So let's just. Let's just jump in and kind of talk about my story, because that's what I'm familiar with and what I'm. You know what I know the best. But we know that I've been remote for almost 20 years, if you can believe it, since 2007 is when I originally first started working remotely. And when I first had the work from home job, I didn't have my daughter. So my husband and I were married, and we were living in a new place. And remember, my story is a little bit different because I was a military spouse for so long, and we relocated every couple of years, so I had to rebuild that network every two or three years.
[00:03:08] I did have a community that I could easily tap into that was just, you know, all I had to do was show up to, like, a club meeting or, you know, anything that was already established. And the military community is really great about having those resources and those support groups available. So I do realize that there are other communities out there that don't have that built in network. So what do you do if you don't have that network, and how can you get that started? And so I have some examples in my story that I'll share with you, and maybe it'll inspire you to start your own or find something nearby.
[00:03:43] And honestly, it really just depends on the stage of life that you're in. So clearly, if you don't have kids, you're not going to want to join a group that has a bunch of young moms, moms of young children or moms. I mean, probably, maybe moms of teenagers or moms of older kids are better because they're not. Their kids aren't as reliant upon their parents at that time, and they don't have to accompany the parent to certain events. And so you'll find that parents of young children often want to do activities where their children can come along. So I know that when I didn't have my daughter, I didn't want to go to events that had kids there. So you need to be mindful about your group and like mindedness. It's so important to find other people that are different, but you can find one thing in common and then let that be the building bridge between other people that maybe you wouldn't normally connect with. So, for example, a book club is a great place to start. So go to your local library, go to your local bookshop, whether it's a chain or it's a locally owned business, preferably a locally owned business. But if that's, if you don't have one nearby, that's okay. And you have the big, the big Barnes and noble, those have book clubs there. Or ask them if you can start one, because usually those kind of those companies are trying to get connected into the community. Anyway, it's a great way to get people in their store. So definitely communicate with the shop owner and ask them if they have book clubs. And if not, can you start one?
[00:05:13] Coffee shops are a great place to get connected. Again, if you're looking for a book club, libraries, if you can believe it, libraries have really great free events, and sometimes, if not free, it's a really small fee, $25, $50. There's classes. I know the library near my house has, like, glass blowing classes, and some of them have dance classes. So just check out your community and start with things that you're interested in first and see what's out there first.
[00:05:43] That would be my recommendation. See what's out there first and go attend. And maybe you'll find your person, your people there. If not, then start your own thing. Because maybe there's something, there's a. There's a piece missing in the community, and maybe you have that piece that other like minded folks are looking for and they'd be interested.
[00:06:03] Smaller communities may be a little bit different, are a little bit harder to find places to meet. Believe me. We've lived in really small, tiny communities on islands, and we've lived in bigger cities where, you know, it takes an hour to get one side of the city to the other without traffic. So find something that makes sense that you know that you will regularly go to.
[00:06:27] And I'm not talking about things that you're going to do with your significant other. I'm talking about things for you. One of the healthiest things about a relationship. And we, this could be another topic for another day. Don't be the person that does everything 24/7 with your spouse. Have your own individual personality. You have your own likes and your own dislikes and your own interests, and so do something outside of that, so that you have something to bring interesting topics to bring to the table later, and you're meeting new and different people and those kinds of things outside of your partnership with your partner. If you are in a partnership or you're married or whatnot, whatever that situation is for you, your situationship, right? Is that maybe the word that they're saying now?
[00:07:13] So look for. So step one is understand the kind of community that you want to be in or that you want to start and then go from there. So like I mentioned before, book club. If you're really into exercise and you really like dance fitness, look for local fitness centers that have dance fitness. If you really like knitting, or maybe you want to learn how to knit. See if there's a sewing shop nearby. Most small towns have a sewing shop. Most all large areas have a sewing shop. You probably just didn't notice that it was there if you weren't into sewing. Those big craft stores, they have classes. So if you go to Michael's, they offer classes. Home Depot offers classes for kids. I don't know if they do adult classes. So there's all kinds of things in the community. You just have to know where to go to find it. So start with your interest and then think about places where that might be offered. So like I mentioned, a book club. So maybe there, maybe somebody at the local coffee shop knows about a book club. Maybe somebody at the library can help you. So start there and see if you can get plugged into that book club. And one of the things that I always tell people, you have to put yourself out there. It doesn't matter if you are the shyest person in the world. You have to show up. Just at least show up. Show up and sit and listen and just see if that's something that feels good to you when you're there. But you have to get out of your comfort zone or else you're going to be miserable and lonely. You have to make that first step. Nobody else is going to do that first step for you. So really make sure, especially if you are working remotely and your only interaction that you're having with other human beings is either your spouse or your kids, or maybe it's your neighbor, that when you walk down to the, you know, down the driveway and get your mail, that's the only interaction that you're having in real life. That's not good. We need to have that human interaction.
[00:09:16] I like to get out every once in a while and take my computer and go work at a coffee shop. I have a local group that I started for remote moms, and we can talk about that here as well, of how I got that started.
[00:09:29] But, you know, take your laptop and go work at a public spot just for like an hour. Go have lunch somewhere. And it's amazing how you can recharge by just being around other human beings. And honestly, I don't really get a whole lot of work done when I go and do that because I get distracted really easily. So really, for me, it's more of, I guess, recharging social batteries, I suppose, which is really important because that's where we get a lot of our inspiration from, too, is from other people. And so you might go to one of these meetups or maybe you need to start something and you'll talk to people and get ideas is, and you'll see where there's a need for things. So I'm going to back up a minute and talk about how I got started with my local group that I created in my new community. So I just moved back home after being gone for a really long time. My husband retired from the military, and we've been in this new neighborhood. It's the same city I grew up in, just a different area of the city. And so I didn't really know anybody except for one person and my best friend. And she has her own life, and she has things going on, so she and I don't see each other that often because she's super busy. So I needed to reconnect with this new, or not reconnect, but connect with this new community. And so instead of sitting down and just waiting for things to happen, I decided to take action. So I was really looking for a local coffee shop or a local place. I don't want Starbucks. I want, like, the mom and pop, really cool coffee shop in town that does their own roasting. You know, that kind of really cool, cozy feel.
[00:11:15] And we've lived in some incredible places, specifically, like, in the Pacific Northwest. There's some great local coffee shops. And where I am now, there's just not. It's just lacking. And that's typically where remote workers like to go, right, as a coffee shop.
[00:11:29] And it's really hard in this area where we are, because we're in suburbia. There's a lot of box stores, there's a lot of chains, and I love where we live, but there's just not really a whole lot of local flair, unfortunately. And there definitely is a request and a need and a want for it just out of communicating with other people in this area. It just hasn't happened yet. And it takes change for something like that to happen.
[00:11:58] I'm telling this all for a reason.
[00:12:01] So there is a local Facebook group of moms in the area, and it is a wealth of knowledge. So if you are not on Facebook because either you think it's stupid or you just haven't done it for a while. I literally only go on Facebook for the groups. I don't use it any other way. I use it only for the groups. I don't update anything. I don't really friend anybody. I'm not looking like I unfollow all of my friends. I don't really. Sounds terrible, but I don't really care. I'm using Facebook for information, which I know is not the way that it's supposed to be used. It's supposed to be to keep up with people that you know and meet new people. I use it for the groups. And so this local group, as a new person, moving to the area was a wealth of information. I mean, this is the kind of group that has been around for years, and it's things like, I need drywall done in my basement. Who do you recommend? I. I need a landscaper. I need a plumber. Something happened in my house. Who do you recommend? And so it's a great information, also school information. How do I know when to register my kid? Those kinds of things. So Facebook groups are great. At least this particular one is really well run and really nicely. There's a lot of information, and people actually participate. That's the hard part when you have Facebook groups, is actually getting people to participate. It's so frustrating. I've adminned multiple Facebook groups, and it takes a long time to get that momentum going. That'll be another part of this conversation that we're having today, too, is how to. How to get the engine started and keep it going. So this Facebook group that I'm in is wonderful. There's a lot of people in it, and the area that I live in is a really large area, miles wise. So it's not like it's condensed into, like, you know, 10 sq. Mi. It's much larger than that. So it could take 30 minutes, 45 minutes to get to one side of. Of the area of town that I live in to the other. And so some moms may be physically located closer to me than away. And I was really trying to find connection.
[00:14:11] One thing you'll, you know, if you don't know this by now, being in the military really played a huge part, or my husband being in the military played a huge part of who I am now. And the experiences that I've had as the majority of my life. I'm in my forties, so. And I've been with him since I was 23, so, you know, I've been with him for a very long time. And the majority of what I know is the military, and that instant connection and that instant understanding with some. Another family who's in the military and who has experienced it. And so when you get out, you people don't understand what it was, what it's like, and they don't get it. And that's okay. I don't get what it's like to be a doctor's wife. I don't get what it's like to be a teacher's wife. You know, there was. That's okay. We don't. We're not gonna all understand that. But was. What was really difficult for me was that there wasn't a place, a physical place of like, women meeting up like there used to be in the military. And I know that's so cliche, and it's. There's that stereotype of the military wife and yes, that military. That that stereotype exists. And it's a. Those are horrible stereotypes. Some of them are true sometimes, as that's why stereotypes start. But the majority of the people that I experienced as a military spouse, they were. They did not fit that stereotype, which is typically the case in stereotypes that we have. So I really was looking for other people. I wanted people around my age. I was looking for people who had similar interests as me. I am not a religious person, so I don't go to church. I don't have a problem with people go to church. In fact, I respect that, but I don't. That's not my life.
[00:15:58] And so I kind of put out a call to, you know, this Facebook group and was very vulnerable. And I said, look, we just moved back. I need friends. I need connection. I work from home. I am home all the time, and I need support. And I am looking for other women who are in the same boat as me who might be similar to who I am and might be interested in being friends. And you guys, the amount of responses that I got from that post was insane. That post was in January, and I'm still getting, like, little tags sometimes where it's like, so and so liked your post or something.
[00:16:43] It took just a moment of vulnerability, which is super hard for me to put myself out there. And let me tell you, this is a big enough, small enough area that people know each other. And, you know, and we plan on being here for a long time until at least our graduate, our daughter graduates, graduates from high school. So we have at least nine more years to go here. And this is the kind of place where, you know, people know your name after a while and you'll be recognized. And so some of the things that I mentioned, like, I am not. I don't go to church like that. That might not be something that's really popular to a lot of people.
[00:17:17] I do believe in spirituality and universe, and I, you. I do like tarot cards. I think they're very interesting. Psychics are very interesting to me. And so one of the really cool things about my post is that there was this one lady in particular, and she commented, and she said, girl, we likely, most likely would not be friends.
[00:17:45] However, I have to give you mad props for speaking out and putting yourself out there that takes so much courage. And you are a badass and she's like, I applaud you. And, guys, that's what we need.
[00:18:03] We need that kind of support, and we need that kind of lifting, uplifting of each other. She and I would not be friends. And, you know, she has many, many kids, and she goes to church every Sunday and Wednesday and, you know, likes it, and I think was a stay at home mom and all of those things, which is almost the exact opposite of everything that I do. And there she was, supporting me because of my vulnerability.
[00:18:38] And that is the kind of support that is the kind of person. And honestly, I probably would be friends with her. And even though she and I wouldn't do a lot of activities together, we certainly could enjoy each other's company, and we certainly could learn from each other. So I'm not telling you to go out and find somebody who checks all of the boxes and you're identical, because, honestly, that would be super boring. I don't want to be friends with somebody who likes all of the same things as me. Now, coincidences. I don't believe in coincidence. That's not what I'm trying to say. Situations where it's like, I read this book, and I don't know if you heard my podcast episode with Libby Duffy, and she and I were kind of going through the checklist of, oh, my God, I did that. I did that. Did we just become best friends? Yes, absolutely. There are going to be times where you are just going to click with somebody, and it's going to feel like a natural connection because there are so many interests in line. However, I can tell you that if Libby and I continued talking and learning more about each other, and if we became really great friends, there was going to be things that she and I don't jive with each other, and that's okay. Or we don't agree with, or we don't like. Maybe she likes. This is really stupid, but maybe she really enjoys eating Brussels sprouts, and I honestly hate them. I tried to be a good example for my daughter not too long ago, and I ate one, and I literally almost threw up. I'm not joking. I really just don't like Brussels sprouts. So I digress. But I'm saying that because I wanted to make sure I point out that you don't have to like all of the same things as the people that you're trying to connect with.
[00:20:14] It's okay. And it's important to have those differences, because I think those differences that we have with people are actually what make us more interesting as people and we learn more and we can understand and respect more the more that we're around people that are different from us. So with that being said, let's go back to community. So I mentioned that I created that post, and then I had a ton of people reaching out to me, and a lot of the comments that I had were, oh, my gosh, I work from home, too. I want a place where I can meet up every once in a while and meet other moms.
[00:20:51] I had people messaging me, let's go for a walk. Let's do this. Let's do this. Let's do this. And so I realized that there was a great need for a remote mom community in my local area.
[00:21:06] So I created a Facebook group. And guys, within 24 hours, we had seven or I had 75 members in the group. And I was so overwhelmed, I said, you know, I don't know what to do with all these people. And luckily, another lady in the community was coincidentally opening up a co working space, a small co working space in her office. And she said, I'm. I haven't started advertising yet. And so I said, oh, my gosh, join my group. Please help me admin. And so the people are just jumping in, yes, I'll help, I'll help, I'll help. And here we are, seven months into the group, probably really only six months in because it took a while to get everybody in, but I've got over 150 members in this Facebook group within six, seven months. And we are planning in person meetups. We've had a couple and attendance has been low. But that's what happens as you grow groups, and it can be a little difficult to get people to engage. So we're trying to do some topics to get people to. To talk about and events and things like that. But I'm saying all this because I encourage you to find the gap and create something to be the change, to help have that community and create that community.
[00:22:24] And it can start with online. This group that I created started with online, and we're meeting up in person. We've met, we've had, we try to do at least once a month. Summertime has been really crazy for scheduling, so we only did one coffee meetup this summer, but we've got some planned coming up soon. And it's really not only is it a great way to connect with other women and start building your local community and have friends and somebody else who's in the like minded situation in a similar situation as you, but it's also great for business owners because my group is not just for remote employees. It's for. It's for those moms who own businesses that run their business out of their home. And so a lot of these moms in my group are finding clients from this Facebook group. So it's not only a social Facebook group, it's a business Facebook group. It's a networking Facebook group. And it's also turning into, oh, my gosh, I got laid off, and I'm looking for a new remote job.
[00:23:22] What can we do? And the community is coming together to help these women get connected and find jobs and tweak their resume and practice interviews and those kinds of things. So, you know, community really does come together. And what I have found is if you ask for help in these types of communities, it will come. I actually, in another Facebook group that I'm in, I'm looking for specific topics for this podcast, and I put out a call on LinkedIn. So if you're not following the remote mom collective podcast on LinkedIn, definitely follow me there, because if you are a professional remote mom, then you are on LinkedIn. So. Or you should be. So definitely join LinkedIn and follow the podcast there.
[00:24:07] But I put out a call in a local group and said, look, I need some. I need some people who can talk about these topics. I want AI. I had very specific topics that I wanted to talk about. And, oh, my gosh, I had to turn comments off of that podcast or of that comment, the post. I had to turn the comments off because everybody was like, oh, my gosh, I'm interested. I want to help. I want to help. I work from home. I do this. I do this. Let me help you. Let me help you. And yes, a lot of it is people are trying to get their voice out there, which is great. But, guys, that's what podcasting is all about. And we do need to boost our own personal brand and with other intentions, you know, like boost it for yourself, but also help others along the way. That's kind of how I think people should be looking at networking. Definitely to help yourself, but definitely, let's help others along the way, too.
[00:25:02] I've been able to build this podcast off of my virtual network and my virtual community. And because I am so active in these virtual spaces, people are starting to know my name. They might not know me if they saw me walking around at the grocery store, that I was the person that they were communicating in the online forum, but they know me by name on the Internet, and then we'll get to know each other. A little bit more and we'll start working together a little bit more. And over time that relationship builds and there's something there.
[00:25:34] I really, though, want to encourage you to get out from behind the computer screen and get out and do something in person as a human being with other human beings in the same room. Whether it's an activity that you're doing together or it's an activity that you're doing individually, but side by side. So maybe somebody puts together a paint night or, I don't know, just something simple. Going to have drinks for happy hour or meeting at the dog park or going for a walk at lunch. There's all kinds of things that can be done, and it could be one person shows up and it could be ten people that show up, and that's okay. And you'll find that people want to be a part of things that they Fomo is real, like that. That's, that's, that is a true statement. The fear of missing out is something that's super real. And so the more that you do things and the more that people see how fun you're having and how successful you are, how you love helping others and how friendly you are and open, and maybe you want to teach other people how to crochet because you know how to crochet.
[00:26:41] People want to be a part of that naturally. And so they will come, it will just take time to get there. And you'll also find that as you're building these communities, if you do decide to go to the community building route, you actually grow as a person as well, because you're going to learn so much about yourself and you're going to learn so much about the new people you're communicating with and that you're, you're interacting with and you're going to learn what you like and what you don't like in people. And I can tell you in my forties, what I like and don't like about people has changed significantly from what it was when I was in my twenties. So it's going to change and you're going to have to get to know yourself to understand who you're going to work and mesh with and be friends with. But it's so important for you to just, that helps you grow as a person. Having these interactions with human beings help you grow as a person. So if you're going to do this because you want to grow as a person, like, there's your reason right there, and that is kind of a selfish reason, but it also, as long as you're mindful that you're doing it to help others as well, and like, connect with others for not only your personal reasons, but for their benefit as well, then it's going to be an incredible experience for both you and the people you're interacting with. We also learned that through creating this Facebook group that there is a strong need for a community center or some sort of community coffee shop. So there is talks in the group about somebody potentially opening a coffee shop because one of the ladies used to live in another area and she owned a coffee shop in that area. And now, because of the need she's seeing in the, in the group, the rumblings of it, she's considering now whether she's actually going to open it or not. Who knows? But, but this is how you get information from your community. If you're looking to do something else as far as, like, open a business or something like that, this is a great built in network for you to bounce ideas off of, and that's valuable.
[00:28:41] So I just really want to encourage you to find some sort of online community. Start there. Facebook is a great place to go. There's also a couple of new platforms that I've recently discovered that I would encourage you to discover, and I'm not affiliated with these. I would love to have the, I would love to have the founder of some of these come on at some point on the podcast, if they are so inclined. But there is a, there's a group called beyond the 9th, and it's because working moms deserve support, is what's on their homepage. I just went on their website. It's beyond the 9th dot. So it's like the number 9th beyond the 9th dot. And it's for working moms. And it looks like there's some free workshops. I'm still exploring the platform. Kendra Pennington is the founder and she and I connected on LinkedIn, and I can't wait to get in there. So far, so good. There's also the mom project, which I've been following them for years, and they are more so, they are a community, but they're more so for hiring, and they connect with employers who are hiring moms. And it's remote work. There's also the mom. Oh, gosh. I follow them on LinkedIn. Let me see if I can find them while we're on the podcast right now, while I'm recording, so that I can.
[00:30:06] Moms first. So moms first is another platform that looks like they have some sort of membership or some sort of forum that you can join. I'm still exploring that one. So definitely follow these groups. Mom's first, the remote mom collective podcast, of course, the mom project and beyond the 9th. Start there and see if any of those communities feel good to you. And I encourage you to get out there in your own community and try to try to start something. If there's something that is not interesting to you or maybe there's some sort of lack, put the question out there in a group that you're already in, is anybody interested in XYZ? And if they come back and say, yes, this group exists, this group exists. This group exists. That's great. Maybe you can join one of those existing groups, or maybe you need to create one closer to your house. If it doesn't exist, then there's your opening right there. And that is an easy way to start something. And it is really easy, guys. It literally just starts with a question. It starts with a question. It starts with being vulnerable. And once you do that, the people who are meant to be your people will come forward. And I am a full believer in the universe, and I don't believe in coincidences, but I believe that you do have to take that first step, and you have to make that action in order for it to come to you. You have to open the doors, so to speak. So I encourage you to open your doors to community, whether it's you seeking it first and trying something that already exists, or finding something that you could potentially start yourself and encourage others to join so that you can find your community.
[00:31:52] All right, I went a little over today, but I got really passionate. Finding friends and community is something that is really close to my heart. So I hope I shared some great information with you. I hope that you were encouraged to create your own community or find your own. If you have any questions at all, please, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. You can find me on all of the places. Honestly, I'm really bad at replying to people on threads and on Instagram. So please send me a message or find me on LinkedIn or send me an email.
[00:32:23] It's just remotemomcollectivemail.com or LinkedIn is great, but I will do my best. I have to get back into threads and Instagram. Sorry, guys, if there's anybody that's waiting on a message from me.
[00:32:38] But with that being said, I'll go ahead and close it out with thank you so much for being here and I hope you're enjoying the podcast. Please tell your friends, please share a review. As we say here on the remote mom collective podcast, being different makes a difference. So let's support and inspire each other.
